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celebrating one another and articulating what they appreciate about one another.
I suspect that it is mostly because we are not comfortable sharing our positive feelings with others.
We tend to be liberal with our criticism but conservative with our praise. Or maybe we hesitate to say too many positive things under the guise of not wanting to encourage arrogance (tinotya kumupa manyemwe!)
When a person dies . . . at the funeral service we are able to sift through everything and share what we appreciated, admired and learnt from the deceased person.
I do not think that people lie or exaggerate just because they are at a funeral but they choose to focus on the positives so that they can give the person a good send-off.
Sad isn’t it because the deceased cannot hear all the wonderful things that you have to say. What a shame if only they knew that this is how you felt about them it would have enriched your relationship.
The reality is that when you speak at a funeral you are really just speaking about your own experience and to inform the others about what you appreciated and learnt from the person who has died.
It would have been great if the person could have heard all the wonderful things that you say. The truth is that the person cannot hear you.
You may ask – is it true that the dead cannot hear what we say? Yes it is true. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 9 verses 5 and 6 “For the living know that they will die; But the dead know nothing, And they have no more reward, For the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, their hatred, and their envy have now perished; Nevermore will they have a share in anything done under the sun.”
I know our culture says that we can communicate with the dead, but the word of God tells us that this is not true. In fact if we insist on asking the dead questions and trying to communicate with them – someone will answer and it’s a masquerading spirit.
You find the concept of a masquerading spirit in 1 Samuel 28 verses11 to16. This text is taken from the time that the prophet Samuel had died and the spirit of the Lord had departed from King Saul.
As Saul was going through challenges and yearning for answers he decided to go and see a spirit medium. His objective was to bring up the spirit of Samuel so that he could consult him concerning the will of God.
The bible says that a spirit did come up and Saul ‘perceived’ that it was Samuel. When we look at this closely we see that it does not say that it was Samuel but that Saul thought it was Samuel. Secondly, the spirit itself says to Saul – why you would think that I have answers for you when the Lord has departed from you…
Back to the main issue, I am of the conviction that it is too late for the person to hear what you have to say when they are dead. When you speak at a funeral it is important because it is a celebration of their life, it communicates to those gathered what a wonderful person the deceased person was.
The speeches are good in themselves but their utility ends with being a mere source of information for others. The Bible lays out a different pattern from this cultural practice.
Ephesians 4 verse 29 says “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”
There are many socalled ‘one another’ scriptures that tell us to encourage and appreciate one another . . . when the person can still hear what you have to say.
Voltaire said, “Appreciation is a wonderful thing, it makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”
Jim Stovall encourages us along the lines of what the scriptures say, “You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes and encourage them in their pursuits.”
You see no one knows the day or the hour another is going to die – we should not miss the opportunity to tell a special person what they mean to us.
We should not miss an opportunity to tell a person what we admire about them and what we have learnt from them. We should not miss an opportunity to simply say “I love you”.
Make a difference this week approach one or two people who mean something to you and say: “Before I die or before you die – there is something I’ve just got to tell you . . .”
Go on to tell them what you’d like them to know concerning how you feel about them.
Tell them what you admire, appreciate or have learnt from them, celebrate them and their achievements . . . don’t miss the opportunity before you die or before they die. It is so important because they’ve just got to hear it for themselves! Since you don’t know when they will die . . . the best time to say what you have to say is now.
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