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Fredrick Mabikwa
IN the last article I shared on some behaviroul indicators of children with problems. I want to just share a few more indicators to conclude the discussion.Some children who are facing abuse and other such related problems or some discomfort in their lives will indulge in attention seeking behaviour. Because a certain facet of their lives is suffering they want to indulge in some sort of compensatory behaviour to restore their self-esteem so they do things that will get them noticed. Some will suddenly become rude. If a child who was well behaved suddenly becomes rude, it is a cause for concern. In line with rudeness there is persistent disobedience.

This can also be a sign of discomfort in a child. Children are by nature obedient, they generally like to be sent around but if you see an infant in persistent disobedience, could be a sign of a problem. Parents should also watch out for bad language. Sudden talk of bad language is a sign that the child might be associating with the wrong people and might therefore be vulnerable to abuse from the same people. In line with bad language can also be physical aggression. Suddenly a child is hitting others left, right and centre. This can also be a call for help. A child who suddenly becomes aggressive might at times be facing the same problem.

Truancy from school for older children can be an indicator of problems in the child’s life. At times the child is running away from something bad at school. Truancy from home for older children can also be an indicator of problems in the child’s life. Certain homes, you will agree are not places where a child wants to be. Some children are happy when they are away from home because the abuse is at home.

Certain behaviours like stealing can be a sign of problems in the child’s life. A child who steals is not necessarily a thief. It would be important to consider why the child has stolen and what have they stolen. When l taught at a high school some 10 years ago, some lady teacher came to the office holding a small girl by the ear saying she was a “small thief”. She had stolen her classmate’s food and she wanted the girl punished. I requested the teacher that I speak to the girl. I asked the girl why and what she had stolen. She said she was hungry and had “taken” a colleagues’ food.

I further asked when she had her last meal and she said her last meal had been on the previous day. This was the end of the story. The girl was sent to the hostel dining hall for feeding and set free. If this child had eaten she could not have stolen the food. Most of these supposed bad behaviours children will exhibit are just signs and symptoms of more serious problems the child is going through.

Speech problems can also be an indicator of problems in the child’s life. This can manifest itself in stuttering and stammering. May I hasten to say stammering and stuttering can just be a condition a child is born with, maybe inherited from one of the parents. The problem normally comes if this comes to a child who had a normal speech and suddenly they start stammering. This must worry the parent. Sudden speech problems can be an indicator of some psychological discomfort in a child. Psychological discomfort can also be a result of physical abuse.

When a child suddenly develops frequent unexplained temper tantrums and is very irritable this can also be a sign of discomfort in the child’s life. Some children will relive what they are going through hence the need for the parent to look at the source of the temper tantrums and the irritability. The temper tantrums show some inner anger in the child and this anger must be released and directed somewhere. When this anger is not resolved the tempers grow and this is where you find a child even attacking a parent.

A wife of a friend of mine was attacked with a sharp object in her sleep by her 4-year- old son as retaliation to some punishment from the boy who felt he had been unfairly administered. The attack was quite bad. It is therefore important to resolve issues of anger with children.

For teenagers, another indicator of problems in the child’s life is abuse of alcohol and drugs. When teenagers are going through a bad patch in their lives, some will bury themselves in alcohol and drugs like adults. May I also hasten to say that for some teenagers alcohol and drugs are mere experimentation, it might not have anything to do with problems.

A sudden drop in school performance is also an indicator of a child who might be having problems. A child who has problems cannot learn well and maintain good grades at school.

These however are just indicators, signs that might help a parent to discern if a child is going through some difficulties in their life. We are not saying the moment you see these indicators a child is having problems-no, there could be other factors and reasons the child is exhibiting these signs and behaviours.

The purpose of at least observing these indicators is basically to assist the child in time if they are having problems. Many parents tend to ignore these abnormalities in the behaviour of their children and by the time they want to act it will be too late, damage may already be inflicted on the child.

Children are rarely abused by strangers. The abuser over 80 percent of the time is someone known to the child. The abuser, 80 percentof the time is in the house, greater family or next door. Apart from the change of behaviour, always take seriously what the child tells you. A child will never lie about abuse. Keep children away from potential abusers. Parents must not be too trusting. For example, it is not advisable to leave a male relative to baby sit a girl child; she is vulnerable in this set up. Haven’t we even read of bizarre cases of fathers abusing their daughters?

Apart from the common physical abuses there are a lot of other discomforts children are subjected to. Whenever a child is going through a bad patch, something changes in their behaviour and parents must always be observant and alert to notice change of behaviour in a child so that appropriate action is taken to assist the child.