Fredrick Qaphelani Mabikwa Successful Solutions
CASES of child abuse are on the increase. The media, both electronic and print is awash these days with stories of child abuse. Just last week we carried a story of a four-year old baby who was raped. Last week again there was a story of a primary school teacher in Zvishavane who indecently assaulted two female students on two different occasions. While we find this mind-boggling and difficult to comprehend, the truth however is this is what is happening and it has to be managed one way or the other.

I therefore thought I should write an article where we raise a bit of awareness on issues of child abuse. The purpose of this article is to help parents to be able to tell when a child has a problem so that remedial action can be taken on time.

Most infants will not be able to verbalise their problems because their speech will not have fully developed. Children get abused, not by strangers but those close to them. Children get abused by relatives and those who are supposed to take care of them, like housemaids. The child’s abuser is usually someone known to the child. The first sign of problems with infants is continuous crying.

Infants’ natural way of communicating is crying but when it’s unusual the parent should be able to tell. If the child has developed speech, they can be asked what the matter is. The parent must always take seriously what the child says. Children will never lie about abuse. For the children who can’t verbalise what they are going through, the parent can watch out for things like clinginess.

Children cling to parents, but there are times when clingness is abnormal. Clinginess is when the child just clings to the parent so tight that they don’t want to be separated from the parent. Clinginess is a sign of trouble. It shows that there is something the child wants to get away from. Children who cry abnormally when their parents are leaving them are crying for help.

At times the child would run after the parents or the car. When clinging is abnormal, the parent should investigate. A child who clings to the parent when the parent is leaving them is trying to tell the parent that they want to go with them because there is no joy and peace at home when the parent has left or they don’t want to be left where the parent wants to leave them.

Withdrawal and lack of interest in playing, friends or school is an indicator of problems. When an energetic and outgoing child suddenly becomes withdrawn and loses interest in friends and play is a reflection of something bad.

A situation where an infant who was enjoying school suddenly doesn’t want to go to school simply means that there is something wrong at school and the parent must go to the school and kindly check with teachers what might have gone wrong at school. By the way there is a lot of abuse that goes on at school as well. Teachers can abuse children. Their friends can abuse them. There is also lots of bullying at school and some of it can be so bad that the child cannot learn.

We read in the Press last year of a school driver who was abusing girls at a high school in Gweru. We also read of the lady teacher who sexually abused a Grade Seven boy. I remember this other child I assisted who had a change of teachers and they didn’t like the new teacher — who I want to be honest was not at all likeable. Almost half the children wanted out of that class. So when children lose interest in play, friends and school, let us find out why before worse things happen to them.

Nightmares can also be a factor. A child who enjoyed their sleep suddenly has nightmares. They are crying and shouting for help in their sleep. This must be a cause for concern for the parent. Children, like adults, will many a time dream about realities around them. A child who is being abused will have hallucinations about the abuse and this can manifest itself in nightmares. Accompanied by nightmares is lack of sleep. Children enjoy sleep and play, and if suddenly the child cannot sleep this could be a cry for help. Most children have a sleeping pattern which they follow. Change in sleep patterns might indicate some disturbance in the child’s routine hence the need for the parent to investigate. When suddenly a child is sleeping way out of their routine, this must be a cause of concern for the parent.

Also in relation to sleeping, if a child doesn’t outgrow bed wetting and they carry the habit right into kindergarten, it could be a cry for help. The other scenario is of a child who was not bed-wetting but suddenly starts to bed-wet. This is a clear message to the parent that something could be wrong with the child.

Soiling when the child has long been weaned off diaper is not a good sign. The dripping of the nose is also a sign that a child might be uncomfortable. You will agree with me that most of these children who have dripping noses, bed-wetting and soiling problems have a very low self-esteem and this affects their performance in school. Most of them are low performers.

When a child suddenly develops fear of a person or object it’s a cause for concern. Half the time the abuser is in the house. When a child suddenly develops acute fear of a member of the family it should also be looked at. May I quickly say it’s not every time when children refuse even to be held by someone that we should conclude that person is tormenting the child, no. Children at times just don’t like certain people, but when it’s fear then it is a cause for concern.

It is not easy at times to separate general dislike and fear. A child might fear a certain object or colour. This might be something reminding them of abuse. A child who is abused in a car will not be comfortable in a car or at times they will resist entering any car or a particular car.

The above are just indicators. I am in no way saying the moment you see these indicators in a child, the child has been abused, no. I am just saying these indicators can help the parent identify some discomfort a child might be experiencing in their life. I will share a few more behavioural indicators in the next article.

 

You Might Also Like

Comments