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Vaidah Mashangwa
Despite what couples go through during the divorce process, most of them opt to remarry after divorce. It is estimated that about 70 percent of the broken hearted still get married all over again. What is surprising though is that 60 percent of remarriages fail again. This shows that experience does not really count when it comes to marriage and remarriage. Even if partners cohabit first it is not guaranteed that they will stay together happily after that.

Some people do not even learn from their failures of the first marriage. They will still bring their same mistakes, same baggage into the second marriage. If alcoholism was the main reason for the first divorce, someone will still continue to drink excessively even in the second marriage and in such instances the likelihood of divorce again cannot be overruled. In the same vein if the cause of divorce was infidelity, someone still continues with his or her unfaithfulness in the second or so marriage. Some people rarely admit that they had a hand in the failure of the first marriage; they simply blame the other party.

For the second marriage to work, courtship should be prolonged so that both parties become well acquainted in terms of behaviour, tastes and hobbies. Rushed courtship is equally harmful to the success of a marriage. It is unfortunate that most people do not consciously prepare themselves for remarriage. At times they do not seek for a person to marry diligently . Instead they simply engage in activities that eventually build a momentum in their love life such as engaging in sexual activity and then take it for granted that they can marry. Some just follow the usual patterns set by society without total commitment.

It is also best to discuss before the remarriage the issues of in-laws, step children from both sides, financial issues, ex-spouses, property from both sides as these issues can bring a host of problems in the second marriage or third whatever the case may be. At times problems arise when the ex tries to communicate by whatever means with the now married ex.

The New York Times reported that at one point a 97-year-old bride married her 86-year-old groom proving that there is no age limit for remarriage. The children also look for the same happiness after their parents’ divorce and the issue should be discussed amicably. At times both couples bring their children together and live as one big family. Sometimes some men are very selfish as they bring their children into the marriage and ask the wife to leave behind their children. This is grossly unfair. Children should be treated fairly.

Some women rush into remarriage just to find someone to take care of them. Remarrying within a year or a few months after divorce is equally harmful. While a woman can get the financial support marriage is more than just the support. If people remarry for the wrong reasons then the marriage will not last. Remarriage is about love that stands the test of time, that is, remarry because your love has been proven. A successful marriage is not about sex only but about how the two people handle conflict, communicate and solve problems together. No one wants a second divorce so at times an honest opinion about the new suitor or wife can be sought from close family members such as parents and aunts. After all love is blind and it might be difficult to sense danger right from the start. A single mistake might mean a failed remarriage.

The other problem while couples continue to divorce is that marriage in Zimbabwe is shrouded in secrecy. Couples rarely seek counselling during the early signs of conflict. By the time they seek a marriage counsellor, their issues will be irreconcilable. According to the Zimbabwean context couples are not supposed to go around washing their dirty linen in public yet counselling can save marriages. The media also plays a key role in assisting with the strengthening of the family institution. There are quite a number of radio programmes on issues pertinent to families and couples should also take advantage of the information thereof.

In terms of law, a person is not allowed to remarry without dissolving their first marriage and this is very common nowadays and has led to a number of divorce cases. If someone is married in terms of the Marriage Act Chapter 5:11, he or she is not allowed to enter another Marriage Act Chapter 5:11. He or she commits bigamy. If someone is married in terms of a customary marriage Chapter 5:07 he or she is not allowed to enter a Chapter 5:11 marriage without divorcing the spouse. He or she commits bigamy. Therefore it is important to nullify the first marriage before one decides to remarry. A person who commits bigamy can be sent to prison for up to one year or made to pay a fine

It is important for people register their marriage to avoid multiple problems related to their union. Children born outside wedlock also need protection and should also benefit from the estate in case of death of their parents.

Unregistered customary law unions have their own problems because a woman cannot go to court for a divorce or for assistance with division of the property using the Matrimonial Causes Act, the law that governs divorce. In such cases the court can use other means of dividing the property but at times it does not benefit the woman in the same manner as a registered marriage. Apart from that, a widow can have problems in acquiring and accessing the death certificate of the husband as greedy relatives may refuse to write affidavits. The widow may also have problems getting the husband’s pension as relatives may refuse to write affidavits to confirm that the customary law union actually existed.

In addition, getting birth certificates for children in the absence of the father might prove difficult in the absence of a marriage certificate. Women are left in a dilemma as a man can continue marrying as many wives as he can because that cannot challenged in court. Wives under such marriages are usually miserable as resources become scarce.

To avoid all these problems, married couples or those who remarry should understand that to be legally married entails that both man and woman are expected to care for each other and provide friendship, companionship and support to one another. They are supposed to have a fulfilling sex life and respect each other. It must be remembered too, that when couples marry, a woman may choose or not choose to use her husband’s surname. She can still use her maiden surname or she can choose to use both her surname and that of the husband, for example, Sheila Dube-Nkiwane.

    Vaidah Mashangwa is Provincial Development Officer, Ministry of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development. She can be contacted on 0772111592 or email: [email protected].