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We used to know much about the sugar daddy phenomenon, whereby younger girls had relationships with older men.  

They say the men, often married with children and well-resourced, would be looking for fun and sexual satisfaction from their much younger partners, not for genuine love as we know it. On the other hand, the younger girl would be enticed by the promise of money, cars and other high value presents that their much older partner can afford. In most cases the girl would be in a relationship with a boy of comparable age, but one who was still at school or college, thus was under-resourced to cater for his demanding girlfriend’s needs.

Now we have it the other way round — boys of school-going age going out with much older women. Like girls of their age, the boys are enticed by the promise of money, cars, expensive mobile phones and other items of value that they or their parents cannot afford to buy. On the other hand the much older women seek for fun and sexual gratification.

In both situations, sexual satisfaction is not much of a factor for the younger partners, but money.

Bulawayo has been gripped by this relatively new phenomenon, as we report in our front page today.

Some school boys in the city are depending on sugar mummies for their upkeep in exchange for sex, journalists were told during a National Aids Council tour of an anti-Aids project run by a Bulawayo-based organisation, Grassroot Soccer.

The project is aimed at assisting adolescents to desist from unprotected sex, alcohol and drug abuse and other anti-social behaviours.

A teacher at Njube High School, Mr Luckson Bashoma, said over the past four years, many boys have opened up to having sexual relationship with older women for some benefits.

“I discovered many boys were not aware that engaging in sexual activities with someone way older than them increased their risk to HIV. It’s a pity that our boys think sugar mummies are safe and acceptable unlike girls who have always been discouraged from having sugar daddies,” he said.

“We therefore make most of these sessions to show them risk is found everywhere and that they too should be cautious about their sexual behaviour.”

Mr Bashoma said poverty was one of the key drivers of risky sexual behaviour in adolescents.

Power relations in such relationships are always uneven. The older woman, who may be married or widowed has more experience in relationships. She is better resourced, thus calls the tune. If she says “no to condoms during sex,” it is no condom during sex even if the boy is wary of unprotected sex. He just plays along because he wants her money.

Cross generational sexual relationships like these expose the weaker partner to HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. He or she is also exposed to abuse.

We have also learned that we now have male prostitutes. Like their female counterparts, male prostitutes are often young. They engage in sex on a commercial basis. By nature, such relationships are only transitory, a few minutes long. They end when the prostitute is paid for the service he would have rendered. He immediately moves on to yet another woman. This is a bit different from the sugar mummy scenario which tends to yield longer lasting relationships. It is regrettable that our boys, like younger girls before them, are cheapening themselves hooking up with women who don’t love them per se, but want a few moments of sex with them.

The boys must respect themselves and know that they have a long life ahead of them. They must know they must have an education first and then secure a steady job for themselves. After that we expect them to get married to women of around their age group and start a family. These relationships are anchored on mutual, genuine love. As we all know, such relationships have a greater chance of success than those in which the boy (or girl) is being whipped into line all the time.

The sugar mummies — a crop of predatory women who just cannot grow up — must leave the boys alone. We know that it is them who, in most cases, actually approach the boys, not the other way round. We know that there is little to no possibility of a school boy approaching an older woman for love. He sees every woman of her age as his mother so is unlikely to make the first move. This is why we are saying the older women must leave the school boys alone and not destroy their future.

The same message goes to sugar daddies too. Society frowns upon these fake, lopsided relationships.