Gender: Of yellow bones & opinions that destroy character A customer is injected with bleaching liquid
A customer is injected with bleaching liquid

A customer is injected with bleaching liquid

Tsungai Chekerwa-Machokoto
I met a dark and beautiful young lady recently. Her high bone structure was stunning and her oval eyes were so warm. She was wearing a long dress and since I’m into long things myself, I admired her look. I told her that she looked so beautiful and she gave me a shy smile.

I knew that something was wrong. I asked her if she was ok and we got into a conversation that surprised me.

This beautiful young lady had no self-esteem and no self-confidence whatsoever because she had allowed herself to be defined by her boyfriend and she did not like that definition.

She escalated his opinion of her to fact and it was not good. She thought she was fat and unattractive and the biggest reason for her to feel like this was the fact that she was dark.

She despised her complexion. As I continued to talk to her I learnt that her family, even her great grandparents, were all dark and she said that she wanted to be different from them because her boyfriend didn’t like it. Sad as it sounds, it is true.

I was shocked by what I was hearing. I then thought I should share with her one of my best feature – a diastema or gap teeth. I have a gap in the middle of my teeth (saka in Shona) and I am so proud of it.

My great grandfather had it, my father has it and I have it too. It identifies me to my family and there is nothing that anyone could say to me to ever make me apologetic about having gap teeth!

I explained to her that she should be proud of her family traits because they identify her and link her to her relatives. My siblings have a gap in their teeth too except one only.

The conversation I had with my shy beautiful friend made me realise that our women have to be reminded of their personal worth – that worth does not come from anybody else but themselves.

Men do not realise the impact that they have in women’s lives. If given the opportunity, they have the potential to destroy a woman, or build her.

If a woman is supportive to her man, he tends to be confident about his dealings and his projects and in everything else that he does.

But if she discourages him and thwarts his efforts, it will also show by his lack of drive to achieve.

In the same vein, a woman who is not valued by her man is not confident. She doubts herself to a large extent and ceases to view herself as worthy of anything.

That woman will not even speak in public let alone attempt to go for her dreams. There is always an opinion passed on you that you might not like but it is always best if you focus on yourself and not allow to be affected by another’s opinions and perceptions of you.

The ‘yellow bone’ craze has hit our country hard. Because men seem to prefer lighter women over darker ones, women have started to bleach their skin.

There are all sorts of creams that are being used to bleach women’s skin. There are cheap facial creams that have been said to cause cancer but some women seem not to mind, as long as it will get them attention from a man.

There are more expensive bleaching creams for the affluent and then bleaching pills for the more extreme ones.

Some women have expressed that they don’t care about the threat of cancer attached to using these products because the priority will be to make their man happy.

Women should wake up and realise that only a man that wants to be kept will stay.

This has nothing to do with how a woman looks, it is solely a man’s decision to stay with a woman. Nothing you can do can keep him for yourself only. Beauty is skin deep, if a man looks on the outside only, he is not worth your time.

Once women realise that, they will see life clearly and start focusing on other things in their lives than bleaching or drinking fattening tablets or indulging in binging to lose weight.

There was once a time in Harare when tablets called Appettittos were in demand. The tablets apparently helped women to have a bigger backside liked by most men, hence women went crazy trying to gain weight and bought a lot of these tablets.

It got so bad that the police arrested people who were selling these products and to this day, some are still behind bars.
Now if a woman is defined by what a man finds attractive at that given point, she would be taking fattening tablets and bleaching her skin to make him happy! Surely such a life cannot be sustainable.
So where do we find confidence? Confidence can only come from within. Slim women should take pride in their bodies and the fuller women should do the same.
People should flaunt their assets, whatever they are, in a tasteful way.
The situation is the same for men who also want to keep their women happy.
If she wants a muscular man, you find men injecting steroids into their muscles in order to bulk them.
Some men go to the gyms not to keep fit or stay healthy, but in order to impress a woman.
I am not saying there is anything wrong with working towards impressing your man or woman, but all I’m saying is that if your relationship depends on your looks then you should revisit why you are in there.
If your man or woman causes you to doubt your worth to the extent of convincing you to mess with your health to make him happy, then that relationship is toxic and it’s time for you to leave him or her.
If light women with big backsides were the ultimate dream for every man, then there would be none of them single and searching.
Furthermore, if skinny women were ideal, they would all be happily married.
And upon finding such a woman, that man would move heaven and earth to keep her but that is not the case.
In reality, some women with “Coca Cola bottle” shaped bodies still struggle with infidelity in their relationships.
This is proof that bleaching, fattening or slimming is not the solution to relationship problems.
Apparently, the young lady told me that men these days will explicitly tell you that you should bleach your skin, I found that to be disgusting of them. I thought that was quite insulting.
Sadly, it really does not take much to get a woman to start bleaching. I asked myself what this world has come to. It’s bad enough that women wait to be defined by their men, but for them to say it and for the women to actually go and start bleaching is even more worrying.
The world is changing and my fear is there won’t be real gentlemen to move with the changing times.
Women, you were fearfully and wonderfully made by God. Trying to change who you are to please anyone else will be painful and sinful because you will be going against nature.
You will not win against nature because it is controlled by a Higher Power that is not changed by the changing trends.
I often see women who have different shades. The face will be lighter than the neck and hands but the knuckles stand out the most as they look so dark and sell them out. It’s not really a nice sight.
Those very same men who urge you to bleach will laugh about the different colours on your body.
What is more worrying is that some elderly women are also now involved in this ridiculous practice as they try to compete with the young ladies for a man who does not want to be kept.
It is a sad situation indeed. If people can have self-confidence it would help a lot.
I especially worry about the young woman of today who is growing up around a moral less society that is driven by the will to fight poverty.
I feel for young girls who are now raised by the television and Internet and social media. I worry for their future because they are raised by gadgets. Beauty for them, is what is seen on TV or in magazines.
They are pressured to conform to the perverse definition of beauty, most of it Eurocentric.
The young beauty of our story, despite her stunning looks, was self-conscious of her complexion and her ‘weight’. When I told her that I know friends that don’t like skinny women, she broadly smiled in appreciation as she was beginning to believe nobody could ever want her.
Women need a confidence that is almost arrogant in order to survive in a perverse world like the one we live.
Every woman should celebrate each and every inch of her body without fear or apologising. A man can take you or leave you it doesn’t matter at all.
What his opinion is about your body is his problem and you have nothing to do with it. There are a lot of men in the world and there is one just for you.
Likewise, men should not go to dangerous lengths to impress their women. If she doesn’t appreciate you, then she is not meant for you.
Somewhere out there is one woman who will love you just the way you are.
Once you start giving into her demand, she will erode your manhood bit by bit until there is nothing left of you. Beauty is skin deep and so the attention and energy should be exhausted on the inside, where it counts.
l The writer, Tsungai Chekerwa-Machokoto can be contacted on Email: [email protected]
or blog: tsungimachokoto.tumblr.com

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