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Bongiwe Nkomazana

In all honesty, people marry at different times of their lives for different reasons and we all should learn to respect that. Some women’s happily ever after or achievements do not even include a husband so please refrain from asking women why they are not married yet lest they respond with reasons that will leave you wondering why you got married

EVERYBODY in the world has the liberty to say whatever they please as and when they fancy. However, they do need to take caution when exercising their right to freedom of speech because the end result of what you say is really unknown and it depends on what it is that you say.
Let me give you an example, if you approach a man and tell him that he is not a man or if you make derogatory comments about his wife, you will definitely land yourself between a rock and a hard place.

Surprisingly enough, the world is fully aware of the things that you can never mention to a man, mostly because they are only a handful, but there seems to be some ignorance, actually let me not tone it down, it is a whole lot of ignorance as to what to never ever say to a woman.

People come at us with questions and comments that will either get them a deafening slap back or in extreme but almost justifiable situations, a lawsuit or a bed at the local hospital. So, as per usual we will talk through that and then you can thank me later.

Zimbabweans have not realised yet how offending it can be to ask a woman if she is pregnant. If you look at a lady and are not sure if she is with child or not keep that question in your head and keep it moving.

Under no circumstances should you verbalise your question because you might not like her response or how the response will make you feel. First of all, why are we even asking her about the contents of her uterus? Are we the father of the baby in question or are we her medical aid provider?

If the answer is no then we do not need to know. Asking if she is pregnant will feel like an attack on her body and she will retaliate. So always wait for us to bring to light the fact that we are pregnant and only that way will the conversation be enjoyable.

Secondly, a woman’s weight in general is not the best topic of discussion if you are not her gym instructor or nutritionist.

Ever heard of God’s time and how He will allow some things to happen in your life when it’s best for you? If we have a good grasp of this concept why are women being asked when they will get married or why they are not married yet?

The frustration with this does not come from the question itself per se but from trying to come up with an answer that will sound legit and polite. When talking to my single female friends, we have always laughed about how angry our immediate responses to that question always are in our heads like, “what is to you” or “were you planning to marry me yourself”.

But on a more serious note, having to deal with the question’s implications is annoying. For someone to pose that question to you is because they have looked at you and have decided that there is a problematic reason to your single status, they just assume that marriage is what you want and you are failing to secure it and so your response has to prove to them that you are happy the way you are.

In all honesty, people marry at different times of their lives for different reasons and we all should learn to respect that.

Some women’s happily ever after or achievements do not even include a husband so please refrain from asking women why they are not married yet lest they respond with reasons that will leave you wondering why you got married.

In this day and age of complete transparency in the different ways black women wear hair extensions and how some actually look like they are growing out of our scalp, you would think it would be pretty reasonable to ask if the hair woman Y has on her head is actually hers right?

Well you are wrong! Research shows that black women get asked that question the most for obvious reasons and a whopping 87 percent are absolutely revolted by that question, me included. While some people will ask us that because they are curious and want to maybe try out our style of hair, most people just ask so that they can look at us sideways.

What I mean is that people love to rain on our parade and will go to the extent of asking if that is your hair just to sort of remind you that it is not . . . so that you stop feeling yourself, am I making sense? It’s as if to say we can see you guys looking good with your hair and acting the part but please remember that it is fake hair or a horse’s tail as some like to refer to it. Look people, whether real or not, if the hair is on my head it means I have ownership of it, whether I acquired it biologically or made a transaction is really neither here nor there. Like that is not enough, some people will go on and ask to touch it.

Do not do that!

Hands up if you have been told you need to smile more often or have been asked why you are not smiling. Men, you are the number one culprits and you cannot deny it. I was watching The Real and one of the hosts whom I think is the most approachable out of the four, was talking about how men will tell her to smile because she looks mean.

Every woman in the audience clapped in agreement. It is funny thinking about it now but in that moment when someone, who most likely is a man, is telling you to smile for no reason so that he does not feel intimidated, all you want to do is shove a tomato in their mouths.

Let me ask you this. What sane person is just always smiling all day long at nothing? Let us be realistic. No matter how friendly you are, there is no way you can maintain a smile from dusk to dawn, I am sorry. Have a conversation with me and crack a joke and offer to buy me ribs from the Kraal then you will see how abundant my ability to smile is. Until then, allow me to be a normal person like you who smiles when there is something pleasant.

I know, I know there are quite a number of things that are pretty tricky to mention to a lady but there is an easy way to sensor yourself. Before you blurt out words always imagine someone saying them back to you. If you feel uncomfortable, confused or upset you are guaranteed that they might raffle the next person’s feathers in the wrong way.  Be nice.