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Justice Simango

Falling in love is wonderful, and when it happens, you may want the world to know, but public displays of affection, also known as PDAs, may elicit a wide range of reactions from people around you.

When I was growing up, I used to see young and old couples who took the “nature walks” around sunset time in my neighbourhood. These couples walked close to each other and despite the weather and the people around them, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other — maybe they took advantage of the dim sunlight but I could still see them.

Well, the scenes have intensified than during my childhood days. Today, I witness all sorts of PDAs in broad daylight in the central business district.
Social experts that mentor me have suggested that African cultures and customs have been diluted by the western norms and traditions, all in the umbrella context of the civilisation process.

If this is what you call “modern times” then the extent to which this assertion is true or false is obviously debatable, but how much is too much for kissing, touching and groping in public? How can our brothers and sisters show the world that they are in love and faithful to each other without displaying too much romance in public?

Even though public displays have become fairly common in our communities, personally, it makes me feel uncomfortable! There is a line that our students, parents and leaders are crossing and it’s causing others to squirm.

Keep in mind that when you are out in public, there are likely to be people of all ages, your future contractors, investors, business partners, potential and current customers, competitors, employer, your in-laws, and another person’s child, all these various groups of people react differently to PDAs.

Most married couples in Zimbabwe would agree with me that holding hands and occasional tender touches or glances are better ways to show your affection than groping.

If you’re not sure whether or not an action is okay in any social setting, try to hold off until you are in a more private situation.

– Kisses — There are certain times when it’s okay to kiss the person you love, such as when you are kissing the bride or greeting or saying goodbye to someone. However, you shouldn’t have a long, drawn out kiss in front of an audience unless you are acting on a stage.

Even then it’s questionable and should come with a rating. This is why most movies produced and directed in western countries where our people are copying PDAs alerts the viewers on age discretion and always requests for Parental Guidance (PG). The producers know how much content is too much for a particular audience.

– Touching — I really think there is nothing wrong with holding hands with someone, unless it’s awkward, dangerous, or impedes traffic. An arm draped around someone is okay when you are sitting or casually strolling through the park. It is never okay to touch anyone else in public.

In some countries, excessive groping is illegal and at some point it may be regarded as “Criminal Sexual Conduct”. I have come across high school pupils in big cities and towns that grope each other in front of elders; some of which are old enough to be their grandparents.

Most of the public indecency conducted by pupils takes place in crowded areas like bus terminals where heavy traffic congestion is experienced during the morning and evening peak hours.

A face is not a lollipop, and you are not a vampire, so don’t lick or bite your spouse in front of other people.

These actions have mushroomed to the extent of ePDAs, also known as electronic public displays of affection. If you can’t do it in person, why embarrass the person you love by posting PDA related content on social networks. A more subtle touch or expression of affection can be much more romantic than an embarrassing PDA.

A brief kiss on the cheek, a hand placed gently on the back, and an exchanged glance can get the heart pounding and let those around you know that you are a couple without embarrassing them.

One place that PDA is never appropriate is at the office. If you are dating someone you work with, keep your hands and lips to yourself until after hours.

Some companies frown on romantic relationships between employees but even if they don’t, they want you to focus on your work when you are on the company clock.

You may not realise this, but take it from me, too many PDAs in certain places, like at school can damage your reputation. People around you may think that if you do a lot of heavy petting in the hallways of academia, you’re doing quite a bit more in private. This may not bother some people, but in the future, you may look back and wish you’d held back a bit.

Please be considerate of others who have just as much of a right to be in a public location as you. A heavy make-out session in a crowded place shows a lack of respect.

If you start to feel the urge to do something you’re not sure about, stop and put a little space between you and the other person.

My grandmother used to pass a comment, such as, “Ah, young love” whenever she saw couples in compromising positions. Am quite sure it was her polite way of discrediting a shameful and unacceptable behaviour that is too much in public. She groomed me well!

Justice Simango is a Business Etiquette and Grooming Consultant who writes in his own capacity. He is a member of Toastmasters International.

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