Gender, Tsungai Chekerwa-Machokoto
Firstly, apparently society has made life so difficult for young ladies. There seems to be an unwritten law that says by the time one turns 21, they have to have a serious guy in their life otherwise they literally become less of a person.

I’VE been hearing interesting talk from young women lately. While they are grateful for entering into the New Year, they are depressed about still being single.

This is not about the approaching love season, no. It is their reality. I engaged a few and what they told me really got me thinking. I was quite concerned about the extent of pressure that young people are facing from their families to get married.

Firstly, apparently society has made life so difficult for young ladies. There seems to be an unwritten law that says by the time one turns 21, they have to have a serious guy in their life otherwise they literally become less of a person.

Marriage extinguishes all other expectations to succeed in life because it is the ultimate achievement. It doesn’t matter what you didn’t do, if you are somebody’s wife then you are accomplished. I can’t pretend that I was shocked. I wasn’t. Society puts pressure on the young generation for marriage to a point that they will eventually pick up anything in trousers and make it their life partner.

This state of affairs I believe has contributed to the unprecedented high rates of divorce in the country. Both parties will neither be ready for marriage nor will they even want to get married, but because of the pressure, they end up succumbing and finding themselves in loveless marriages.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the current generation is not very tolerant or must I say enduring in marriage. They divorce just as easily as they enter into marriage. Our great grandparents, grandparents and our parents used to fight for their marriages.

They would endure turbulent times for the sake of the bigger picture. They would stay for the children. These young ones now simply don’t do it. They wouldn’t have wanted the marriage in the first place so when the first signs of stress present themselves, they run — literally.

One of the young ladies told me she is now avoiding going to family gatherings because no matter what the function is — funeral, baby shower, tombstone unveiling — she ends up being the centre of attraction because she still isn’t married at 26-years-old. To me, that is a very young age. But apparently her mother is really stressed about it and any guy she sees who is not familiar; she hopes that he is the new guy who will bring respect into their family through marriage.

Another one said she stopped going to church because the topic of age and marriage is a trending one. She has decided to avoid any place with older people. Instead of celebrating her age, she gets depressed because she thinks, “I’ve turned another year and still no marriage!” It’s heartbreaking.

It seems mothers are living vicariously through their children. They dictate what sort of man their daughter should date as well as the age at which she should marry him.

The youngest of the girls broke my heart because even though she took care of herself, and passed her degree with distinction, her parents want to see her getting married so that they can be proud of her. Without the ring, she will always be inadequate. Quite shocking isn’t it?

Parents, especially mothers, should stop putting pressure on their children to get married. Some girls want to explore the world first, some want to further their education, some just want to wait until the right guy comes along.

Mothers should let them be and not push their children into an institution that has the potential to drain the life out of them forever, well until divorce.

I think if we ease the pressure on the children, there will be fewer divorces and less wounded children because the marriages entered into will be for the right reasons.

While marriage is beautiful, it is also quite challenging and if there is a strong foundation, it can stand. But if the foundation is that of pressure to appease and please people, our statistics on divorce will continue to escalate. The ball is in our court.

*Tsungai Chekerwa-Machokoto can be reached on [email protected]

 

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