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Bongiwe Nkomazana
All forms of abuse are horrid but sexual abuse is the sickest. Child sexual abuse is more prevalent than people realise. Unfortunately, child sexual abuse is also a significantly under-reported crime that is difficult to prove and prosecute. It happens to little boys too but little and pre-teen girls remain the worst affected

There is so much awareness on gender based violence but cases of violence against women have continued to increase.

Violence or abuse against women manifests in many forms but we will touch on physical, sexual, emotional and economic abuse.

Women of today know when they are being abused and can spot the red flags in a relationship, however, an uncomfortable number of them opt to stay in abusive situations for different reasons.

Physical abuse is usually the most obvious in relationships. A man with a flaring temper will display signs of being an abuser sooner or later no matter how much he tries to hide it.

His anger is not your typical phase of being upset with an exchange of words and dose of silent treatment. He becomes a monster in that moment and because you know him you will realise the change in his eyes, his voice and body language. It is meant to intimidate you and in that moment he means to harm you.

Usually after such an episode, the perpetrator will be very remorseful, shedding tears of shame if he can. Others will flat out blame their lady for driving them to be that way. I am sure this is nothing new but why do we stay ladies?

After a man lays his hands on you, why do you get up, cover your wound and continue to allow him to be part of your life knowing that he has a monstrous side? Sure, he is your husband and you made vows in front of family and friends and most importantly, God but is this the ‘for better or worse’ that God had in mind for you as a wife?

Marriage, I hear, is a beautiful thing if done right and according to the Bible, it is sanctified and is designed to give you a life-long friend. If your husband betrays you and stops to be your protector and your friend but an instiller of fear and the cause of your sadness is it worth it to stay in that marriage?

Women, as I always say, fight silent battles. In her mind, a wife who is a domestic abuse victim will think about staying for her children, she will consider the shame it will bring to her parents if she leaves her marital home, she will think of how leaving will affect everyone else before she thinks of how staying affects her.

Dear sister, your children do not want to see you purple and blue with bruises, they deserve a happy mother who will in turn pour happiness into their lives. Your parents do not want to receive news of your death on that one fateful day when your abusive husband takes it too far. Take care of yourself. For those who have been convinced that getting a hiding from your man is a sign of his love, I will tell you now, that it is a lie. Leave him.

All forms of abuse are horrid but sexual abuse is the sickest. Child sexual abuse is more prevalent than people realise. Unfortunately, child sexual abuse is also a significantly under-reported crime that is difficult to prove and prosecute. It happens to little boys too but little and pre-teen girls remain the worst affected.

Most perpetrators are usually an individual that a child would trust like relatives and close family friends. Women are beautiful but the younger versions are just adorable. In their cute pink outfits or small innocent smiles, it is unimaginable that anyone would want to harm them sexually or at all. Baby girls deserve to play and learn and not be afraid.

As adults, it is our God-given duty to make sure they are safe. It is sad that the very same adults who should look out for our daughters are the same “sickos” who will rape and molest them. Instead of thinking of your pleasure Mr Perpetrator, consider how you are affecting this girl child. Not only are you taking her innocence but you are traumatising her. You are slimming down any chances she has to develop normally psychologically and most of her behavioural disorders will be caused by you.

Because she looked to you for love and help and got the opposite, she will never trust a man again or anyone for that matter. Not only are you hurting her little body but you are damaging her prospects of being the best version of herself that she can be. Sexual abuse against women should stop. Weak men will flex their strength and force themselves on a female or shout profanities at beautiful women in the street.

These weaklings should ask the real men how to gently charm a lady and get her to willingly indulge with a smile on her face. To the men who are reading this, protect the women around you, do not be the cause of our pain, love us and cherish us like the beautiful flowers that we are.

Have you ever seen a lady, or maybe you are the lady, who is full of life and confidence. However, when they meet a certain man, be it romantically or in any other way, they go from being the life of the party to a timid somebody. That is a result of someone taking jabs at your personality and planting self doubt in your head. Most men have found the secret to keeping women under their control and it is called ‘mind games.’

There is a disturbing habit among women of being attracted to ‘bad guys’. Listen attentively my fellow sisters; this is the type of man you should stay clear of. He will brainwash you to believe that without him you are nothing. Statements like, ‘no one else will want you’ and ‘I made you’ flow effortlessly out of his mouth. It gets to a point where you need his approval for the most trivial decisions like your outfit of the day.

You start to see yourself as undesirable and stupid and begin to feel lucky you met this man. Know your worth woman! You are a beautiful queen. Validate your own damn self.

Emotional abuse is closely linked to economic abuse too and young women usually find themselves falling victim to this type of abuse. Times are hard and women are knee-deep in poverty. Vulnerable girls and women have found themselves resorting to the most absurd and heartbreaking means of making money.

Men have found a loophole and are exploiting these type of girls and women, dangling a dollar or two to get them to be their little puppets. To not be in that situation and judge the women that are would be wrong, but if you know such a victim, share with them other means in which they can empower themselves and get financial emancipation.

Abuse is a serious issue affecting us women. Seeing other women go through abuse reminds us all as women the risks we face in our daily lives. We need to stand up for ourselves. Talk to a friend, they may help. Fortunately nowadays, there are some organisations that help and counsel abused women. Do not suffer alone.