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Miriam ‘Mampi’ Mukape

Mirriam ‘Mampi’ Mukape
I HAVE been getting a lot of people asking why I’m not married yet and I felt like I needed to address the elephant in the room.

I am certain I am not the only single woman facing such kind of pressure to get married.

“When are you getting married?” This is becoming a popular question not only to me, but many other women in our society. I’d have chosen to ignore this and focus on my interests, but I decided to take this opportunity to speak for me and many other women who’re subjected to such pressure that has pushed many women into marriages of convenience for the sake of fitting. This in turn has led so many women into unhappy marriages causing high levels of divorce and in worst cases, gender based violence.

Marriage is a beautiful thing and when one enters this institution, it must not be because society pressured them to jump in, but because they found the right partner and they decided to get married.

Secondly, it is very unfair to make single women feel bad about themselves just because of their marital status so stop treating it as such.

As for me, I’m a strong independent, hard-working woman who believes that marriage is not something you just wake up and jump into. When I do find someone I am compatible with, someone whom I share the same values with and who loves me for me not because of what he saw on stage, I will gladly get married. I will not just date or marry anybody that comes my way with a proposal to impress society.

One thing I would love the public to understand is that life in the limelight is not for the weak at heart. You ought to be smart enough to know that some men will fall in love with your image and not you as a person.

This is one of the many reasons why I can never rush into such commitments without wisely scanning potential spouses just because he can fit a ring on it.

I will not marry to please society otherwise I would be misleading so many people that look up to me as they will think that it is OK to succumb to the pressure.

Another question is “when are you having a child?” Honestly, just stop it. We are more than that. Yes, children are beautiful and mothering should not be limited to entering the labour ward because being a mother is having a heart to raise a child, which I am already doing.

I am mothering my nephew whom I love wholeheartedly which makes me a mother. I will not have a biological child whose father is not my husband. As for single moms, I have great respect for you as mothers hustling for those beautiful kids. Me not having a child as a single woman is just a personal choice.

I will not do it because this is me and these are my principles that I live by. I believe that not many mothers planned to be single moms, it’s just circumstances that put them in such positions and some of them, it could have been because of these pressures of people expecting women to have children at a certain age.

Finally, for those that are still bothered by my marital status, I will get married and have children when God provides me with a suitable partner. If not, I will stay happy knowing that my creator’s purpose for me is not just about marriage and kids because those are just blessings instead.

To all single women out there facing these challenges, do not allow society to define you. Only your creator has the final say in your life. Being single is not a crime so stay that way until God brings the right man. For now, focus on your goals, find yourself and know that marriage will not complete you, it only compliments.

-Miriam Mukape (who uses the stage name Mampi) is a Zambian pop and R&B singer who made a name for herself in 2012 after having featured in the Big Brother Africa reality show. She is famed for hit tracks, Walilowelela and Why.