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Justice Simango

Last week, I had a conversation with a couple of my female friends, most of them happen to be young adults and they all agreed that at times ladies gossip without knowing that they are. They can barely tell if there are spreading a rumour or not.

But my question remains not only to my friends, but to everyone who is involved in the business of gossip — why do people spread rumours?
Gossip is wrong, no matter how you look at it. Spreading malicious rumours will not only hurt the subject of the gossip, it makes you look bad in a rude and immature kind of way.

I discovered that most people gossip to get attention and to make themselves feel better, but in the long run, it typically backfires.

Whether you do it with your friends in a social setting or talk about someone by the office coffee station, you’ll come across as a petty person who has never learned proper manners and doesn’t know how to behave.

If you are a habitual gossip, others will eventually lose trust in you as a friend. Not only does it show bad manners, it also hurts friendships and damages professional friendships. Once you say something, it is impossible to take it back, so always think before you speak!

Many times, we speak faster than we are thinking and we tend to realise our mistakes when it’s way too late to bandage the wound. It’s a pity because only a few know how and when to use the word “sorry” while many will do everything they can to defend themselves and protect their ego.

Well, if you have such friends, especially those who constantly do things you do not like, there are two proper ways to handle it: Confront him or her and state your case, or leave it alone and let the issue fade.

If there is an ongoing issue, you are probably better off discussing it with the person, but whatever you do, never take it to someone else. Remember that no one is perfect, including you, and you need to treat all your friends with respect by honouring the Golden Rule.

Gossiping is such an easy habit to fall into; we often don’t even realise we’re doing it. We start out saying something benign, and then the other person may make a comment that initiates a full-blown discussion.

The brief comment may wind up taking on a life of its own and turn into something that isn’t 100 percent factual.

When the rumour gets back to the subject of the gossip, he or she is likely to be angry. If you were told something in confidence, your friend will never be able to trust you again.

I am sure you know of unstable marriages that were caused by malicious talk, workers that have lost their jobs due to false rumours, family members that bad mouth each other, the list of examples is endless, but our communities are softly being torn apart by peoples mouths.

As grooming specialists, we understand that it is hard for some people to break bad habits, especially when the habit was adopted from the parents – a difficult transition. If you habitually fall into bad-mouthing someone else, stop and think before you open your mouth. Establish a habit of speaking in a more positive manner.

Time and again I visit different organisations, and the first thing that catches my attention is the manner in which the staff carries itself. The atmosphere of that organisation can make or break its first impressions and how a customer will relate with them.

There are entities with short tempered supervisors; well that’s who they are. Your boss may shout at you and embarrass you in front of clients and other co-workers, but whatever he or she does, don’t go behind his or her back and bad talk. Whether or not you were right, this is another way gossip gets started.

As a company grows or shrinks, people love to chitchat about what is happening. They may start with a sliver of truth and blow it out of proportion.

Before you know it, the rumour that the company is going out of business sends everyone into a tizzy, and it might even wind up hurting the very business that delivers your paycheque, making your gossip a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Another thing that you may discover is that many offices have cliques. One group likes to party on Friday nights after work, and they provide tonnes of material for the next week’s water cooler gossip sessions. Another group is quiet, and the mystery that surrounds those leads others to chatter with “what ifs” and speculate what they think may be going on. Or another person is having trouble at home, and people come up with all sorts of things that might be happening.

Before you know it, the discussion is out of control, and the gossip mill is running full throttle. When you are tempted to gossip, stop and think for a few seconds. Consider how it would feel if you were the subject of whatever it is you’re about to say. Remember that it is never okay to say anything that isn’t true, and even if it is, what is the benefit?

As soon as someone starts to gossip, intentionally discuss another topic. If the original person tries to go back to gossiping, give him or her a firm look and switch again.

Do not whisper in the presence of others. Even if you’re not talking about someone, it appears as though you are and may hurt the feelings of people around you.

Defend the subject. Even if what is being said is true, defend the person in the most logical way possible. If you know that the gossip is a lie, call it that. If there is a grain of truth or you’re not sure, say that you don’t know the circumstances behind whatever it is being said, and you don’t want to continue with this discussion.

The last option is to obviously leave the conversation. If the gossip continues, simply walk away. The people doing all the malicious chatting will get the message.

Just be warned, though, that you might be the subject of the next gossip session.

• Justice Simango is a Business Etiquette and Grooming Expert who writes in his own capacity. He is a member of Toastmasters International. Feedback: [email protected]