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Morris Mpala, MoB Capital Ltd
TODAY we touch on an interesting subject of all times. We bring the unique advice on how you can make it into the poor category at the shortest possible time. If you keep this advice we definitely know it will take a long time to get out of poverty and poverty will know you by name. This is how to sustain poverty but not limited to.

Watch television 24/7
The more you watch TV and be current with your soaps, gossip and current celebrity affairs the more you will maintain your poverty status.

Be as lazy as possible
If you are as lazy as a pig, that is great recipe for financial ruin. The lack of willingness to do anything will leave you destitute. Don’t work hard that is for rich people not poor hoi polloi like yourself. Stop waking up early, working through the night and looking for opportunities as these initiatives might make you rich which isn’t what we want you to become at all .

Be ignorant
Ignorance is blissful and is an appropriate state to remain of poor means. Don’t seek knowledge at all. Be as blind as a bat when it comes to financial matters and see how much poverty you will enjoy at all times.

Believe in miracle riches
Continue on the path of fantasy without action. Hard work is for the rich not us the poor. We sit and wait for miracles. Miracle beliefs help in accumulating poverty.

Waste time
Let us be lackadaisical, have no priorities, procrastinate all great ideas and implementation of solutions and enjoy great poverty.

Stop reading
Why read at all. Read these magazines and mind polluting literature and never touch a book of wisdom enriching literature.

Gambling with addiction
Where you get a chance gamble a lot either with your money or your life. This is the life we want and we have to maintain for us to remain poor.

Take no wise advice
Shut out any scholarly advice. Ignore your common sense. Celebrate stupidity, mediocrity and ululate sub-standard performance. Always be at the back of the pack and enjoy the solace in being many who are so instruction proof.

Spend more than your income
At any given time spend money you don’t even have. You may borrow as much to fund your lavish lifestyle. Go wild in your expenses. Budget for what?

Don’t plan your expenditures just go ahead and “just do it” tomorrow will take care of itself. Live in the moment and live large for all to see.

Please everyone
It’s about them. Do what they want when they want it. Be a yes person to everyone. Listen to their nonsensical stories and accommodate them with their illogical demands.

Blame everyone but yourself
You are always right and the world is wrong. The world owes you a lot and thus has to take care of you. Your lack of self actualisation is because they are against you and your poverty.

Love illegal activities
Break the rules religiously and be very unapologetic. Life is unfair, why should you be fair to others.

Do not save
Blow your own resources such that you never ever have reserves. Saving is for losers like rich people who have the nerve to think of tomorrow all the time.

Buy what you want 24/7
In your lack of wisdom continue to buy things you don’t need while telling yourself you need these things. Amass liabilities instead of assets.

Peer pressure enthusiast
Continue and maintain the stance of pleasing and living a life of approval from others. Stop being independent in deed, thought and idea. Be a stooge for others.

Not being honest with yourself
Lie to yourself that you are the best there is. Tell yourself you can’t do anything about changing your circumstances. Never motivate yourself. Dream small and remain small because small has so many conveniences. Define your state as the best financial utopia there is out there and you are doing the best under the circumstances.

Generational poverty
With these lessons pass onto the next generation so that we maintain our poor status. Let’s share these tips and sustain a poor lifetime generation. Let’s spread these tips so that our communities remain poor and there be gnashing of teeth on socio-economic matters.

Best of luck in your endeavours to being poverty stricken and forgo financial freedom. We wish you all the best until financial hygiene rubs off you then maybe you will shake off the shackles of poverty.

Otherwise if you continue like the above you dwell in the field of lack, gnashing of teeth, vicious circle of lack till death releases you from the jaws of poverty.

Happy poverty days folks.

IF YOU LIVE IN BULAWAYO PLEASE CONSERVE WATER
IF YOU LIVE IN ZIMBABWE PLEASE USE ELECTRICITY SPARINGLY SWITCH OFF SWITCHES (SOS)
IF YOU LIVE ON PLANET EARTH PLEASE PRESERVE THE ENVIRONMENT

*Morris Mpala (Mr Brown) is the managing director for MoB Capital Limited, a Bulawayo-headquartered micro-finance institution with footprint across Zimbabwe.