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Fredrick Qaphelani Mabikwa Successful Solutions
Recently I was delivering a lecture at a local university on stress management and immediately after I thought this would be a good subject to share with readers of this column.

Before we think of managing stress we must really think about avoiding that stress that can be avoided. Basically you can minimise stress by knowing yourself and accepting who you are and being content with what you have. I am not saying we should not aspire for greater heights in life — no, we should but half the time we are stressed because we want to be what we are not and we don’t accept who we are. We want to be like the other person and in the process we find ourselves in heavy debt that causes a lot of stress.

Always make regular self assessments and self introspections. When circumstances change, change as well. When income levels fall, make necessary adjustments as well to suit the new levels. Live your life like the flow of water. When water flows it follows the path of least resistance. Simply put when water flows it follows the easy possible route, following the slop. When it encounters an obstacle it just changes course to “look” for where there is no resistance — thus how we should live our lives. This is the geographical concept of how a river meanders.

When we make decisions, let us sleep over issues. We are a result of the decisions we make. Rushed decisions always cause a lot of stress to us. A person meets what they think is a potential spouse in January, end of the same year wedding bells are ringing — do you know that person? Marriage is a source of stress for most people. Suddenly we realise we married the wrong person but because of certain issues we can’t move out of the marriage — we hang on and the accompanying stress. Always take your time if you are making important decisions. Control your situations — plan; don’t live like a wild animal just taking each day as it comes. When you live without plans, without a vision, without dreams of growth you are a very fertile ground for stress.

We all have problems. Instead of lamenting over the problems, always try to seek solutions to the problems. If it means seeking someone’s assistance — do that. At times you need professional help and some professional help like counselling is free.Identify the source of the problem and work from there. If it means putting in writing a plan of action for a problem so that you can make follow ups please do.

Develop and maintain a healthy balanced lifestyle as much as possible. Eat healthy, exercise, sleep well and enough. Give yourself time to rest and relax. Take a day off just to cool off. Funds permitting take a holiday — be good to yourself. It is important to maintain good relationships with all those around you and those people who matter in your life. Maintain relationships in a way that prevents undue stress. Do not destroy relationships with those people close to you. Thrive to maintain good relationships with your family, close relatives, neighbours and friends. Avoid unnecessary conflicts even with your hair dresser, mechanic and even your doctor. Those in business maintain functional relationships with your customers and your suppliers. Do not kill good functional relationships by minor issues like failure to pay up small debts. The relationship is worth much more than the debt. If conflicts do arise, as they will, make sure they are solved amicably.

In the workplace, learn to delegate. There are people in the workplace who think only they can deliver and they want to do everything — they are always stressed. You cannot do everything. Do not take the whole load yourself. Some people cannot delegate, instead of sharing their loads, they end up taking up other people’s loads. When they struggle they then accuse other people of not helping them.

It’s very important to set yourself realistic goals. When you find you have been too ambitious, stop and swallow your pride and re-evaluate your goals. If you always set yourself to do things that are not in your domain you will forever be frustrated and stressed. Recognise and accept your limits. Accept that there are some things you can’t do which are beyond your limits. On attempting to do big things, always start small. If you leap too high on new domains you will fall with a thud and you will be frustrated.

Always manage your time and resources properly. Do not leave tasks to be done at the last minute. Always work within given deadlines at work and at school or college. Start on that research project now — do not say “there is plenty of time”. This world has never had “plenty of time”. Do not procrastinate “I will do it tomorrow”, tomorrow may never come. If tomorrow comes, something crops up, you fail to meet deadlines and you are stressed.

Also in terms of time management, there are certain things society expects you to do at certain times — do those things at those times. If time and funds permit go to school while you are young and you still have energy. When you leave it late it might be a source of stress. Balancing work, family, and school and old age illnesses is a source of stress for most adults. When you don’t do certain things at their prescribed times, people look at you later on in life and they say “watshiwa yisikhathi/akasiyiwa nenguva”.At an age when society expects you to be a property owner or landlord, you are still renting — this can be very stressful. With financial resources, do not over commit yourself — do what is within your means and capacity. With projects like building, at times it’s important to move at a pace your wallet allows. “Rome was not built in a day” do not over commit yourself it can be a source of stress. Avoid worrying about issues. Worry doesn’t change anything. Even the good book teaches us not to worry. Joe Barnnett says “Worry is like a rocking chair . . . it will keep you busy but you won’t get anywhere”.

May I say in conclusion life is meant to be lived to the full and not endured. Prolonged stress can cause medical conditions in us leading to health problems. Poor methods of coping with stress actually make us more reactive to further stress. Stress management is mostly dependent on the willingness of a person to make the changes necessary for a healthy lifestyle. Elbert Hubbard says “Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive”.