Why do women hate each other?

Gossip

Bongiwe Nkomazana
Gossip is synonymous with women unfortunately because it is a habit that we just cannot seem to break. We are so wrong for this addiction ladies but women will talk about anything, no matter how good or unimportant, in bad light

IT is ironic how women generally dislike each other. I believe there are women out there without a single evil bone in their bodies but most of us tend to despise the next woman as fast as we can blink our eyes. With the odds against us and this being a man’s world, you would think we would be each other’s number one supporters and shoulders to cry on.

On the contrary, we are our biggest enemies. There is nothing more annoying than when a man asks why women are so mean to each other. It is annoying because I can’t deny nor defend it as it is true and our lack of unity is downright upsetting and a tad bit uncivilised. If you have found yourself throwing daggers at another woman for reasons unknown to even yourself, please continue reading so that we learn what causes this and can start to lean towards loving and appreciating one another as women.

Do not compare yourself to anyone else because that will steal your peace of mind and happiness. It will turn you into a green eyed monster that you never knew you could be. Envy is the number one cause of hatred among women.

When the next woman has all the shoes she wants or a booming career and good eyebrows, we tend to hate her for that. I can testify to that because I myself resent Kylie Jenner. I don’t know if you are familiar with her but my head will tell me that it is because she had it easy and is ungrateful for her good fortune. But deep down I know it is really because she is a 19-year-old millionaire who can buy herself a Bentley while I slave away for peanuts.

I want a Bentley and millions of dollars but in all fairness, how is Kylie involved in or responsible for my struggles? This is an example and I know most of us know that one woman who seems to have it all put together and we just hate her for it simply because we are a hot mess trying to put our ducks in line.
Best thing to do is befriend that person and receive free advice. They say, “Show me who your friends are and I will show you your future”. Your future might just be a Bentley and loads of money. Go out of your way to surround yourself with women who inspire you or whom you aspire to be like instead of sheltering a hot lump of spite in your throat.

Women fight for approval and other women become their biggest threats. I was talking to a friend after she went to a job interview. She mentioned that there were three men, herself and another lady up for the position.

However, all she could talk about was this other female candidate. In their pre-interview conversations, my friend had managed to find out that the other woman had a Master’s degree from a university in England. This lady had a good weave on her head and was dressed very simply but she could tell her outfit was expensive.

To cut the story short, she expressed how she hoped this lady would not get the job. So, this is my friend and she is a very good person but without realising it, here she was wishing badly on a woman she just met. If she had said “I hope I get the job”, that would have been different right? While she was obsessed about how better the other woman was and crossing fingers for her downfall, she forgot to pray for her own appointment thereby increasing the chances of the men and the other woman getting the job.

There is no bigger juju than the word of mouth so instead of speaking misfortune and disappointment in each other’s lives, let us speak encouragement and success. It is better for some of us to develop first than none of us at all because only then can we help others up.

I mentioned in one of my previous articles that women are competitive and this characteristic applies here as well especially among women who love to be the centre of attention. These types of women can feel eyes fixating on them shift to a different focus. That just drives them crazy and the new focus becomes enemy number one.

This then leads me to my next point which is the undying bond between women and gossip. Gossip is synonymous with women unfortunately because it is a habit that we just cannot seem to break. We are so wrong for this addiction ladies but women will talk about anything, no matter how good or unimportant, in bad light.

It can be a new car, a new hairstyle, outfit or new man that another woman has acquired. Whatever it is, it is viable for negative criticism. I do not know if belittling another woman’s achievement makes us feel better for our lack thereof.

What is it that makes salons a haven for discussing another woman’s personal issues and making fun of her? Women are very self-conscious of themselves from the amount of money they make, the brands they wear to how they look when they eat.

As a result, we are in constant war with ourselves to be a certain way. We beat ourselves up for not being perfect. The more we do this, our self esteem reduces significantly.

If the next woman manages to be the way we strive to be, the reaction is to hate and convince everyone else to hate her too. It is a vicious cycle and just a reflection of self hate.

I have struggled to admit and accept this aspect of women. Our instincts are to love and protect yet we have a side that despises our kind. I know some younger women prefer to hang out with men solely because men cannot be cruel to their friends and that is all good.

However, I have grown to cherish female companionship with age. I love to surround myself with, and support other women. To just be with people who understand me just by virtue of being biologically like me is amazing.

There is a lot we can do to get to know each other and support each other as women, from having girls’ nights out, to joining a women’s’ gym together, to mentoring young female interns at work.

Let us consciously choose to see the better side of our gender and prop ourselves up. I truly believe that that small tweak in our attitude will see more and more of us reach greater heights.

 

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