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Fredrick Mabikwa Successful Solutions
At the 2014 Magistrates Annual General Meeting held in Victoria Falls this month, Magistrates decried the high number of domestic violence cases that are referred to the Courts, but end up being withdrawn by the victims. The meeting noted that the majority of withdrawn cases ended with the victims being killed by their spouses. Women get battered by boyfriends, partners and husbands and they report to the police. The police open a docket of assault, but just before the man goes to Court, the woman approaches the police or the Courts to withdraw the assault charges. A lot of time and other related resources are wasted in the process and the men go unpunished.

Why do women withdraw charges of assault at the Courts? For some reason, because of stereotypes in gender based violence, some women feel it was their fault that they were beaten. The conservative society says if a woman gets beaten, she is the one who is wrong. Because of that continued abuse, some women have had their self esteem crushed in some of these marriages. They feel they owe their existence to the husband and will accept to be abused. They think his judgment about the beating is right and she deserves the beating. Such women really need assistance in terms of boosting their self esteem and saying no to unjustified abuse. To make matters worse, they can’t even appeal to the husband’s family because again, they think the family will take their son’s side. With such pressure, the woman suffers in silence. It’s not proper to always be thinking what the family will think about you when you tell them their son is abusing you. Approach them and hear what they will say, don’t think for them. The woman, faced with the prospect of the husband going to court will think about what his family will think about her. She will feel that they will blame her for the punishment of their son and with all this background, the woman withdraws the case and she continues to be abused.

Professionals also abuse their wives. Now with the prospect of the husband going to Court, the woman thinks: “Oh he is a doctor, what will the community think about him . . . he is a lawyer, if he goes to court he will get a criminal record and if he gets a criminal record, I will destroy his career?” Yes, the career will be destroyed but if he is indeed a lawyer, he must behave like one. There are certain moral standards expected of professionals. Lawyers by virtue of their profession are advocates of the law and they can’t be seen to be breaking the same law. If these professionals do not uphold these moral standards and they batter their wives, they must be exposed and shamed.

That is the only way they can stop the abuse. So women must not worry about the social standing of a wife batterer, he must be exposed and shamed.

Some women are too forgiving, which becomes a weakness. The man batters his wife regularly and each time it happens, the man apologies and says he will never do it again. As a result, the woman feels she must give him another chance. The woman is subjected to constant battering the rest of her life in the name of “giving him another chance”. Our community also looks down upon women who are beaten by their husbands. Some women will therefore deliberately choose to remain silent about their abuse to safeguard the “status” that goes with marriage. They will go to the workplace with a blue eye and when asked, they will lie that they fell in the bathroom or something. So to keep the so called self-respect, some women would rather die being abused than come out in the open about it.
Some women think that it is the alcohol that causes the abuse. Alcohol doesn’t cause abuse. The abuse is already preconceived. The beatings occur even when the man is sober. There are a lot of men who don’t drink but beat up their wives. So the woman keeps thinking that maybe if she can get him to stop drinking he will also stop beating her. The woman spends hordes of time trying to get the man to stop drinking. There is a beating, he is reported, the case is withdrawn.

Some cases of domestic violence are withdrawn at the Courts because the man threatens the woman. Some men will even threaten the woman with death and harm on the children. The woman withdraws the case due to fear, but the man still goes ahead and carries out the threats. When threats are made, they must be reported to the police so that protection of the wife and children is sought.

Some women are not economically empowered and the prospect of the husband going to prison means starvation for the whole family, no fees for the children and no rent. It’s a disaster for the family. The family would then rather survive with the abuse than “die” without the abuser.

It is therefore important for women to be economically empowered so that they can survive with or without a man. One of the best ways of economic empowerment is attainment of a good education and continuously improving one’s career. The days of the “housewife” are slowly leaving us – those were for our mothers in the 80s and before. Most women stay in abusive relationships because of wanting to protect their children. They fear that if they leave, the man will remarry and their children will be ill-treated by the step-mother. With these thoughts cases are withdrawn.

The family has always been the first port of call on issues of domestic violence. It is however becoming increasingly apparent that the family is slowly losing grip hence the need for women to take legal action.

Women should not die in abusive marriages. When they go legal, they must be clear as to what exactly they want the law to do. Is it to get the police to warn and caution the husband? Is it to get a binding over order, to get an interdict, or for the police to open a docket of assault, leading to court and possible punishment?

There is a need for the victim to know all the consequences of the action that they are taking so that they don’t regret after the law has taken its course on the abusive husband. When the violence in the marriage is escalating, women are encouraged to move out while they are still in one piece, with both eyes and all the teeth and when they can still appeal to the next person.

There is no need to hang in there for the children until you die there; leaving those children you thought you were hanging in for. Current statistics show that about 60 percent of murders are due to domestic violence hence the need for women take informed action on abusive husbands.