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Bongiwe Nkomazana
When a wife finds herself alone at home constantly for long periods at a time, she gets lonely or even bored and will forge casual relations with other men to try and fill in that void. I know back in the day our grannies were able to see our grandfathers once a month or even for longer periods of time. The women of today are not like that

Dolly Parton, once sang, “. . . my mistakes are not worse than yours just because I’m a woman”. You see, women are always harshly judged and punished for their sins by not only their male counterparts but by fellow women as well.

A woman will have a bad hair day and be called scruffy and untidy while a man will be called rugged and edgy, which are good descriptions for a modern day man.

Men usually just get a slap on the wrist or even praise for making mistakes while women are literally cast out of society like lepers. One such crime is infidelity.

While men are praised and called studs or bad boys for having multiple affairs, women are called sluts and their value just diminishes. A man actually seems to attract more women by juggling two or three of them yet a woman is discarded if a whiff of her activities with just one man is caught.

Why is that? Why the double standards? Either way, women do cheat and some may argue that the stigma attached to female infidelity has made us better cheaterss because we can not risk being caught. I was shocked when I did some research on this subject and found that the number of women or wives who step outside their relationships has increased significantly over the years. I want us to try and understand why this is so but keeping in mind that infidelity is wrong whether its men or women involved.

One of the reasons behind female infidelity is that women are constantly looking for emotional and psychological endearment. When a woman feels disconnected to her significant other, she will seek for that connection from another man the same way a man will look for physical attractiveness in another female when they feel like their wife or girlfriend has let themselves go.

The moment romantic gestures like flowers, gifts and compliments stop coming their way or if conversation is not meaningful and if they sense that their husband or boyfriend is distracted, women sort of panic and need to replace that with emotional fulfilment from another partner.

The thing about women is that we over-think and over-analyse everything so we naturally feel like men also think as much as we do and should at least have an idea of how to treat a woman.

When our expectations are not met, we immediately feel like they are consciously choosing not to. We are known for asking our partners questions like “Am I fatter?” or “When is our anniversary?” This is because we will be trying to see if our men are paying attention to us beyond the obvious things, if there is a deeper intimacy of heart and mind.

There is a meme that was making its rounds on Facebook about how every woman who has a job, has a work husband. So this would be the guy she is drawn to because of how he has shown interest in her. Not romantic interest per se but he knows how she takes her tea, he brings her lunch if she is busy and will text to find out why she is late to the office. Women love that. We love to know that we are on someone’s mind. I don’t know of one woman, feminist and independent, who would say they hate affection. Take it away and women will go looking for it elsewhere.

I always hear older couples tell younger ones to always remember to stay dating, to stay boyfriend and girlfriend no matter how many years go by.

Husbands tend to neglect that side of a woman with time and it gets to a point where the husband can only describe his wife or girlfriend by what she does at home like she is a good cook or she is a good mother instead of who she is as a person like she has a beautiful smile or she is extremely intelligent.

Because they see her clean the house, do the laundry and fend for the kids they only start to see the value of these functions. In turn, the wife starts to feel like a housekeeper or a nanny to the children. When the situation gets to this point the girlfriend or the wife is more vulnerable to finding someone outside her home who appreciates who she is versus what she does and this will be, of course, in the arms of another man.

For example, instead of her husband who will buy her baking trays for her to work and make cakes for him and the kids she will get an external mister who will take her out to a restaurant for cake tasting because he knows she has a sweet tooth. Note the difference.

Women that feel neglected and unappreciated will step out of their marriage. We are all about the money and women love a man that can provide for her and her children. The problem emerges when the process of providing for the family entails spending days, weeks or months away from your wife or girlfriend.

When a wife finds herself alone at home constantly for long periods at a time, she gets lonely or even bored and will forge casual relations with other men to try and fill in that void. I know back in the day our grannies were able to see our grandfathers once a month or even for longer periods of time. The women of today are not like that. We understand that a marriage means companionship so when we step into a relationship we are expecting to have a constant friend and to never be lonely.

So it is kind of disappointing to not have that and for some women it is reflex to try and fix it with extra-marital affairs in order for them to stay happy and cope with their significant other’s absence. It is puzzling for the men because they will wonder whether they should stop making money and sit by their lady’s side or what. Well it is all about finding a balance and making plans that include spending time with your loved one.

Women, communicate to your partners what it is that you want because if you do not voice out your expectations, there is no way that these men will prophecy them. Maybe this article will make men aware of the fact that they too need to put work into a relationship. It has always been about keeping a man, let it also be about keeping a woman because as much as a man can step out of a relationship, so can a woman. However, infidelity is a sin and the last thing you want is to be found on God’s wrong side because you could not commit.

I know it has always been kind of taboo to express your needs in a relationship as a woman but we can change that as modern day women. Let the men keep the stereotype of being the cheaters. We can shine as home makers.