MARRIAGE is a socially recognised union or legal contract between two people that establishes rights and obligations between them, their children and in-laws.
The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but it is principally an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged.
In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before indulging in any sexual activity. When defined broadly, marriage is considered to be a universal culture on which a family institution is founded.
Each and every tribe has its own culture and traditions which set it apart from others.
Recent research, however, shows that many tribes, particularly the demographically smaller ones, have now lost some aspects of their cultures due to economic and social issues.
For the tribe of the Kalanga in Zimbabwe, marriage is complicated because it is alleged that the father-in-law should first ‘test’ his daughter-in-law’s virginity so as to be sure that she is a pure woman.
This practice is popularly known in Kalanga as the n’holo we mwizana.
This issue has been widely debated. Some Kalanga people have dismissed the practice as a myth which is meant to tarnish the image of their tribe, while others admit that this practice was cherished by their forefathers although it is no longer widely practiced.
One Kalanga woman, Siphiwe Nleya, said sexual indulgence between a father-in-law and his daughter-in-law was meant to solidify the relationship between the two.
“My parents used to tell us that long back, before the new bride formally got married to her husband, she would have sex with her father-in-law as a way of conducting a virginity test,” said Nleya.
She said the new bride was not supposed to refuse as it was part of the Kalanga “culture”.
“Besides testing for virginity, the practice was important in strengthening the relationship between the father and son.
“Because of this practice, in most instances a woman’s first born did not belong to her husband but to her father-in-law since he would have been the first one to sleep with her and break her virginity,” said Nleya.
Member of Parliament for Mangwe constituency Obedingwa Mguni said he had lived at Macingwane village in Plumtree for more than 50 years but has never witnessed this practice.
“We hear rumours that our forefathers were doing this but we don’t have tangible proof. In the 21st century we have never witnessed such a practice.
“The practice to the present generation remains a myth,” said Mguni.
Kalanga cultural activist Ndzimu-unami Emmanuel Moyo said he had conducted a research on this practice and people he interviewed professed ignorance about the so called practice.
“We hear this n’holo we mwizana as a rumour. I did the research in the past years. I interviewed mostly elderly people in Mangwe and Bulilima but they professed ignorance over the issue.
“In the 21st century people are now enlightened and if there was such a practice, women would have come forward to protest against the practice which puts their lives at risk given the dangers of having more than one sex partner in this age of HIV/AIDS,” said Moyo.
Moyo said in their culture when a man has identified the woman he wants to marry, he informs his uncles and aunts and they are the ones who do most of the job.
“The boy would elope with the girl at night and leave money under the pillow. The word is sent from his family to the girl’s family saying “hakilani ngeno” which is to say look for your daughter this side.
“Thereafter, the two families negotiate on the proposed marriage. The girl’s family would then demand lobola. After that the two families meet over a meal and a goat is slaughtered. Gifts like field crops (hogwana) are exchanged,” he said.
During the meal, the girl’s uncles now accede officially to the boy’s family and hand over the girl who can either go immediately with the emissaries or be accompanied by her aunt the following day.
“On arrival she goes into her husband’s hut and they do what is expected from a husband and wife. Never at any point does she visit her in-laws on the first day but she stays indoors and can only be visited once a day by in-laws to greet her,” said Moyo.
Former Plumtree Town Council chairman Allick Masisa Ndlovu said the issue of the father-in-law sleeping with his daughter-in-law was a mere myth meant to create a wrong impression about the Kalanga people.
“I heard about this issue in the 80s when I was in a meeting. I’m over 70 years of age at the moment and I have never witnessed that. My father was born in 1912 and he never told me that such a practice existed among our people.
“This is not our culture I think one rogue person just did it and people thought it was our culture. This is more of an insult to us because these people are tarnishing our image,” said Ndlovu.