Forgiveness, toxicism and fault finding: Can men, women truly forgive?

09 Jan, 2021 - 00:01 0 Views
Forgiveness, toxicism and fault finding: Can men, women truly forgive?

The Chronicle

Andile Tshuma

Here we go again.

The year has started with another lockdown and most families will be together for a full month at home.

Most people have by now gotten the hang of it, some are enjoying spending time with loved ones although others are still finding it troublesome to be confined at home with not so pleasant family members and housemates.

It is the duty of each and every community member to do their part in ensuring that we smoothen the curve and to ensure that we lower the number of new Covid-19 infections.

The more people disregard these Covid-19 regulations, the longer we may have to stay at home with extended lockdowns.

Now being home almost 24/7 means that it is easy to see each other’s faults.

While some people can apologise and be forgiven and it’s all over, in some households, even the courthouse is small talk when compared to the grilling sessions that happen when one partner wrongs the other.

Even over small things.

Issues such as infidelity are inexcusable, if a coupled is exclusive, well then some thorough explaining has to be done as couples decide if they are forgiving each other and moving on, or if they have to part ways.

The problem comes when people put each other through court sessions over the minor stuff.

It’s often a put off and a real turnoff too.

Some people have started this year while still holding on to the pain and grudges from 2020.

The pain holds you down and not the other person. Let go and let God.

Remember, forgiveness isn’t just about retaining harmony in our relationship. It is also about being kind to yourself, because if you are not careful, anger can eat you up and destroy you, and not your aggressor.

Studies have shown that couples who practise forgiveness are more likely to enjoy longer and more satisfying romantic relationships. And happy homes mean everyone from that home is more pleasant in the workplace, in church and in other social circles.

Holding on to anger, hurt and resentment can be toxic and poisonous to one’s soul. One can turn out as a very bitter person.

One of the most problematic chapters in relationships is infidelity, which is really unfortunate. It is really painful and destructive within a relationship, and when there has been a betrayal of trust, it is very difficult for broken relations to be mended and be as they were before. But it is possible.

Forgiveness is not just a feeling, but a commitment and choice to show mercy.

A snap survey in Bulawayo showed that more women were willing to forgive their partner for issues to do with infidelity, but very few men said they could forgive if their partner were to step outside the institution of marriage.

The same men however, ironically, felt that they had to be forgiven should they engage in extra marital affairs, in a ‘boys will be boys’ attitude.

In all healthy relationships, forgiveness is a key element that must be mastered by both parties.

It is the oil that lubricates love in a relationship and it helps couples move on from the most difficult situations.

Forgiveness is also important between children and parents, and between siblings. It leads to happier families.

Because of lack of forgiveness, in some families there have been squabbles and grudges that are taken from one generation to the other, where you find cousins and children hating on each other because their parents were mean to each other, but with none of them knowing what really transpired.

Learn to break that circle and do not inherit hatred and anger over things you know nothing about. And to protect your children from such future situations with their relatives, settle matters today and forgive and forget, do not leave behind the legacy of hatred that they will have to deal with when you are dead.

Remember that forgiveness is a choice, and bearing a grudge is a choice too.

Forgiveness is important to be a better man, or a better woman. It is important to you as an individual first, before it is important to the one that wronged you.

It’s necessary because you are not only letting go of the action against you, but you are letting go of any resentment, sadness, or fear that came with the action. Forgiveness wipes the slate clean in your marriage or relationship, and allows for a fresh start.

Without forgiveness, relationships can deteriorate through unhealed wounds and resentment. Forgiveness brings freedom to the soul.

Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a critical tool in marriage and ion relationships in general. It is a way to keep yourself healthy emotionally and physically.

As the year has just started, it would do you good to start the process of letting go of the resentment, anger and hurt that may be pilling up in your heart, anger from the big things and the small annoying things.

Why not begin the year with a clean slate. Not for the next person necessarily, but for you and your total wellness, especially your mental health. Forgiving is hard, but carrying all that baggage is hard too. So, choose your hard.

Forgive, let go, be happy, be healthy.

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