How to build a relationship

May 27, 2023

How to build a relationship

Nolwazi Mnikwa

Relationships

THERE is a story which was in a Grade Five English textbook some years back. The story was about a woman who was on a quest to build a relationship with her loved one. She sought advice on what to do as she had exhausted all the methods she knew on how to build the relationship. Instead of being given advice, she was given the task to get three hairs of a lion. The task at first glance appeared to be impossible, yet due to her determination, she devised a strategy as to how she could get the three hairs of a lion she had been tasked to get. Her strategy proved successful and she eventually got the three hairs of a lion. When she returned these hairs to the wise man who had given her the task, that is when she received the advice she needed on building the relationship with her loved one. She was advised that just as she made the effort to get close to the lion, she must make an effort to get close to her loved one, step by step. The lesson in this story is one that is instrumental in both building new relationships and in re-building broken down relationships.

The lion in this instance had to develop trust towards the woman in order to allow her to get that close to it. A lion is one of the scariest animals and getting close to it without getting hurt is a task on its own, yet in this story the woman was able to. This shows that when building a relationship with someone, it is important to win that person’s trust. When someone does not trust you, they will not let you near them, they will not open up to you, they will not welcome you into their life in the manner that you expect. In developing a relationship, it is thus important for you to be an honest person so as to gain the trust of the person you are building the relationship with.

There are some individuals who pretend to be something they are not when trying to build a relationship. This category of people is not only deceiving to those they are reaching out to but to themselves as well because if their efforts do prove to be successful, they will be forced to keep up with the act. The relationship will basically be based on a lie. The pretender becomes caged in this falsified personality as they have to maintain it to keep the relationship. The pretender is basically no longer free to be himself or herself.

In my opinion, a falsified act is not worth the effort as one is no longer free to be themselves and also because once their false act is exposed, the relationship automatically breaks down with a very low chance of being re-established.

The second lesson derived from the story of the three hairs of a lion is that building a relationship requires effort. It is not something that just happens with a push of a button, but it requires one to put in the work in order to establish the relationship. Simple actions like sending a message, calling the person, liking their post on social media, commenting on their status, saying happy birthday, happy anniversary, paying attention when they speak, being a great listener and remembering seemingly minor details from your conversations are a few of the actions that show effort in building a relationship.

Aside from the lessons learnt from the story of the three hairs of a lion, there are a variety of other steps in which one can take towards building a relationship and we will explore a few of these.

In order to build or rebuild a relationship, you must be able to invest time into building the relationship. You make the time to call the person, to meet up for lunch, tea or coffee. You make the time to get to know the person, their interests, likes, dislikes, dreams, hopes and aspirations

Another important tenet to building or rebuilding a relationship is to engage meaningfully with the individual you are working at building a relationship with. I have mentioned the need to communicate either through calls or messages but make sure that your calls and messages do not become monotonous to a point where the person you are reaching out to ends up ignoring you or blocking you. Sending a “Hey” message daily or after every two days is quite tedious, dull, repetitive, uninteresting and simply boring. Your messages or calls should have substance to them, they should be meaningful. A “Hey” every day or every two days does not build a relationship at all. It is actually evidence of a lack of effort on the part of the person constantly sending the “Hey” message.

When you make a commitment to the person you are working on building a relationship with, it is important to follow through on your commitment. The person you are working on building or rebuilding a relationship with can be a spouse, parent, child, grandparent, uncle, aunt, cousin, friend, colleague, business associate, prospective business associate or a potential partner. Regardless of who it is that you are working on building a relationship with, it is important for you to be a person of your word, integrity, and one who follows through on the commitments that you make.

Alongside being a person who follows through on their commitments, it is also important for you to be accountable for your actions. Being accountable for your actions is a great way to earn the respect of the person you are working on building a relationship with and it also goes a long way in creating a platform for open and honest communication.

Building relationships is not automated, it requires the investment of time and effort. It also requires one to be honest, accountable and to follow through on their commitments. The above mentioned are not exhaustive but they are a few of the ingredients to building relationships.

I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.