Bongiwe Nkomazana on Gender
LIKE I promised in last week’s article where we talked about wives and submission according to the scriptures, today we will look at the role of the other half of a marriage which is the husband aka hubby aka husbae. They made it onto this column by virtue of being a woman’s partner hence we as women need to understand what God has instructed them to do in order to appreciate why they behave the way they do and why they do the things that they do.
Only through this appreciation, and of course open and honest dialogue with the husband, can a wife fully compliment her significant other and step in with relevant support.
Also, it will help the single ladies know what type of man to look out for. You are welcome single ladies.
So with this era of 50/50 rights and gender equality and equity, men might find themselves questioning what it is that women want from them and what their role as a husband truly is. I have realised that most men interpret feminism as the equivalent of not wanting a man and/or hating men. That is not the case and within our “viva women viva!” moments we still need companionship. As much as we are fully aware of our beauty and strength, to be reminded by the man in your life that you are all those things and more is a blissful feeling. What can I say, God just created a man and a woman to have a natural need for a relationship and that is the first role of both a wife and a husband, to be a companion or friend to their spouse.
The role of companionship is introduced when the infamous Eve was created for the sole purpose of walking with Adam and helping him, just as it should be in marriages. The Bible in Ephesians 5 verses 25 to 28 goes on to explain to men how they should love their wives and it reads, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself”.
With more reading on companionship between a man and his wife I got to understand why God created men and women with their different natural emotional and physical differences. Where one is weak the other is strong and that almost forces us to work together to build the relationship, to build our families and to build our lives. For this to take place the husband needs to be able to influence and participate in this process. This then takes us to the next role which is leadership.
One thing that the scriptures have been very clear about is the fact that men should lead their home. Referring back to Ephesians 5 verse 23 which reads, “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Saviour”. Simple and straightforward isn’t it?
Yes, but being a leader comes with many responsibilities. First of all you have to check a number of boxes before you bellow out how you deserve respect because you are the man.
Please keep in mind that this is not my handwriting, all copyright belongs to the big man upstairs. First Timothy Chapter 3 verses 1 to 7 basically lists the attributes of a leader and includes that if a man desires the position of a leader he must be blameless, have one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behaviour, hospitable, able to teach, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, gentle, not quarrelsome, not covetous, one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence and so on. This may sound impossible to today’s men seeing as the number of the opposite type of men is more common nowadays.
Please, my brothers do not come at me because we all know it is true. According to the Bible, if you want to take your standing as the leader of your household you should strive to be a 1st Timothy 3 kind of man. Use this chapter as a guide. Ditch the many women and restrain from unnecessary rowdiness. Just calm down and clothe yourself with dignity.
This alcohol abuse that turns most men into beasts was never part of the manly role. Women, do you see how they speak the truth when they say all answers are in the Bible? I knew what a good man is but I did not know that God has included a specific break down of the men he wants for us. God thinks of everything I tell you. Anyway, I believe that God really meant for leadership to be influence and not dictatorship. Husbands should not demand or rule over their family like a Hitler. Instead, they should exemplify with their behaviour, attributes and voice, guiding their wives and their children towards the glory of God.
The last role I will touch on is the husband as a protector and provider. It goes without saying that once you are a leader your job description includes taking care of your clan. The same way we look to the government to cater for some of our needs and to God to cater for all of them. To call for marriage as a man is to say I relieve you the parents of my lover of the task of providing for your daughter as I take it up as her husband. The Bible in 1st Timothy Chapter 5 verse 8 says that “But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever”. God did not stutter. He said it very clearly.
I have girlfriends who have been hurt by their spouses’ failure to stand up for them in different situations but especially when it comes to the in-laws.
Husbands like to pretend as if they have to choose between their wife and their family but God says in Genesis Chapter 2 verse 24 that “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh”. Once you are married before God, your wife is your number one priority my brothers not your mother, not your sister but your wife. Protect her from anything and anyone who tries to bring her shame and sadness. If you do not have her back who will she depend on?
The main reason I am bringing the husband’s role up as well is for all of us to understand that these two roles are designed to complement each other. If you are a stubborn and hot-headed person, you will be a bad wife or husband.
Nowhere in the Bible does it state that a woman is inferior to a man and nowhere does it state that a woman should just wait on her husband for everything.
The more we indulge ourselves in understanding what God actually meant in His instructions the better we will be as individuals and as partners to our spouses. Don’t you think so?