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Nolwazi Mnikwa

IT is often said, “Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are”. We like to believe that we are who we are and are not really influenced by friends, colleagues or the people we generally spend our time with. However, it is true that an individual is ultimately a reflection of the people he or she spends his or her time with. With that being said, it is therefore important to choose the company we keep wisely. 

The advantage with friendships is that they are not imposed on you but you have a choice to whom you interact with and call a friend. Having this choice empowers you to choose the calibre of friends with good values, the kind of friends whose influence in your life will be positive. It helps you eliminate negative influences in your life.

As one grows in their primary and high school stages, there is the concept of peer pressure that is taught. Peer pressure can be defined as a feeling that one must do the same things as other people of one’s age and social group in order to be liked or respected by them. It is basically influence from members in one’s peer group. As widely taught as this concept was and still is, there is a larger percentage of people who do not agree to this concept of peer pressure. Some people express sentiments like, “there is no such thing as peer pressure, I just found people I connect with who bring out the hidden characteristics in me”. In as much as this sounds like a logical explanation, the opposite of it is true. Peer pressure is in fact “a thing” (as expressed in today’s language). 

From a psychological point of view, peer pressure comes as a result of the desire to fit in. You see when there is a certain group of people whose lifestyles and behaviour you admire, there will be the desire to associate with those people. When that desire kicks in, you find that you may end up engaging in behaviours you may not necessarily want to but you do so just so you can fit in. 

In today’s era of social media influence, there is the pressure to be seen as living a certain lifestyle, there is the pressure to post pictures while on holiday in resort places, the pressure to post that large bouquet of roses from a lover, the pressure to post oneself having fancy meals, sitting/driving in top of the range vehicles as well as posting pictures of you wearing designer clothing and carrying the latest phone. 

This pressure built by social media can be attributed to the desire to fit in. As a result of this desire to fit in, this desire to also be seen as “having made it”, people are engaging in all sorts of behaviours. One such behaviour is the human porta potty activity that was exposed not so long ago, which revealed how some “influencers” make their money just so they can live up to the “influencer” name. The human porta potty expose did reveal a number of other means to which some people make money to sustain their lifestyles, the lifestyles that make them feel like they fit in. We are not going to dwell on these behaviours because that is not our focus for today.

The human porta potty example may seem like a distant example, but bringing it closer to home, you find that a friend of gossips is a gossip, a friend of intellectuals is an intellectual, a friend to a faithful spouse is faithful to his or her spouse, a friend of the successful is successful, a friend of trail-blazers is a trail blazer, a friend of dealers is a dealer and a friend of thieves is a thief. Ever noticed how when you read articles on robberies or break-in’s, it is always done by people in groups. You may find that in that group, there may be one or two individuals who may not have been keen on committing the crime but because of the group influence and the desire to fit it and not appear as a coward, they were then forced to commit the crime. 

Ever realised that is an individual spends a lot of their time with dealers, they too become a dealer. The environment the individual becomes exposed to practically become natural to them and as a result the desire to fit in is stirred and the individual becomes a part of the environment. The same is true for someone who will spend their time with successful people. Due to the fact that all the individual will hear when around those people is success talk, strategies of growth, development and success as well as testimonials of how successful individuals have risen to the top, the individual will develop a subconscious desire for success, work on that desire and ultimately rise to heightened levels of success.

Now peer pressure is real and peer pressure is where influence among friends comes from. The people we hang around with have an influence on our thoughts, behaviours and decisions. My advice would be for you to know what you want out of life and surround yourself with like-minded people as this network will go a long way in motivating you, helping you and advising you towards your goals and vision for life. 

I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.