Dear Mr Chamisa
First, greetings from the cotton tuft-haired elders in the land of milk, honey and dust or Guruve.
Admittedly, this is the first time that the council of Karitundundu, the ageless village autochthon of wisdom and knowledge seeks to give you wise counsel in the aftermath of the 2018 harmonised elections, which your party the MDC Alliance and yourself lost to the great revolutionary party, Zanu-PF and President Mnangagwa, respectively.
Chill and relax Nelson, the revolutionary party will beat you in elections again and again, again and again, and, again and again until you get used to it. Ask Morgan Tsvangirai (May His Soul Rest in Peace).
Today, dazzled by the mind-unhinging defeat, it might be hard for you to accept the truth but like the proverbial stupid village teenager who resists his mother’s newly found lover — the stepfather — but later finds out there is no way out, and eventually wakes up to religiously say “good morning dad”.
Zanu-PF is like a stepfather you first reject but accept later.
Then reality will have eventually set like cast concrete. In the same vein, you shall accept Zanu-PF as the grandmaster of Zimbabwean politics. Time, the elders say, is a great teacher. So, as days turn into moons, so shall reality set in your mind.
We notice with concern that Mischief has become your middle name ever since you came into the fray as leader of the Alliance for, you really have mastered and perfected the art of mischief-making.
Yes, Nelson, you have tried a potpourri of tricks to discredit the elections even before the results were announced but the more you continue doing so, the more you expose yourself as a brazen mischief maker. Do elders not say the more a monkey climbs up a tree the more it exposes its genitals? You are fast exposing yourself as the chief clown of opposition politics. But even a clown must know his time.
The elections are over and the country needs to move forward. Let the second republic work and fix things.
You legitimised your election loss by going to the Constitutional Court without an iota of evidence.
Worse still, when the case was broadcast live, and it was proved that your case was nothing but political rhetoric meant to abuse existing democratic space. It was political mischief.
If you were in the right frame of mind, you would not have humiliated yourself by going to court with a case whose process in the end, painted you more as a goat-skinner, than a dignitary of state and governance.
With better counsel, depth of character and responsible thinking, Nelson, you would have accepted defeat and honourably congratulated President Mnangagwa. You chose mischief, instead.
Suggesting in a court of law of that level, that there were 12 polling stations that became the outpost of Zanu-PF election rigging and subsequently failing to name a single one, turned you into a goat skinner.
You have no place in the council of national politics. You did not need to stoop that low. You did not need to waste our time. No, Nelson, no. No!
You have dismally failed the art of national politics. You are still stuck in student politics, with a dearth of strategic thinking and dignity.
In fact, Nelson, you need to apologise to MDC Alliance supporters for selling them a dummy packaged as a solid court case, when you knew you had nothing. You must indeed apologise to the people of Zimbabwe for taking them on a wild goose chase at the ConCourt and delaying inauguration of the winner.
Of course that is the work of ego. Silly ego.
You wasted our precious time Nelson. You are not a nation builder but an overzealous, selfish and ultra-ambitious young man, bereft of nationalism and responsible politics.
Maybe you did not understand that even if the hare is known for its proclivity for tricks, it has never mastered the art of climbing up a tree. You just have not mastered national politics, Nelson. You have mastered mischief, yes, but not responsible national politics. No!
Using thugs and mischief to elbow out other party members from the top echelons of your opposition party might have worked for you internally but outside your party, you face Zanu-PF. Here, you are dealing with a mature, seasoned and experienced people-centric revolutionary party that uses a thought process and not mere mischief.
Instead of fooling yourself with an egocentric swearing in, if what you said recently in Chitungwiza is to go by, sit down with your elders, face reality and accept that you have lost this election.
Self-swearing is, despite being illegal, is self-defeating and a cocktail for disaster. It is a buffet or trough for self-destruction.
It is bad to lie Nelson but it is even dangerous to lie to yourself. Why do you want to live a lie? Have you gone out of your mind? Do you need a psychiatrist Nelson? Nelson, Nelson, Nelson!
I am a very poor villager, had I been gifted with a bit of wealth, I would sponsor your psychoanalysis and subsequent psychotherapy. This is not normal Nelson.
In fact, I feel sorry for you Nelson, the defeat has unhinged your brain. You went into a game you did not understand and also against a huge political opponent. You were supposed to know the consequences of facing a strong, seasoned opponent.
Being a villager, the son of a peasant, I have never believed in your party and what it stands for Nelson, but you have made it worse, even for the staunchest of your supporters to trust that you are still in sound mind.
Ambition, said William Shakespeare, is made of sterner stuff. You must have dreamed big by counting rally numbers and not real voters. Elections are won by voters.
Finally, Nelson, always remember this country is bigger than you and your party. Let the country move on and deal with matters of state and governance. Stop these goat skinner antics.
Should you decide to continue with your roller-coaster mischief making, remember a man who carries home a maggot infested log, must not be surprised when lizards start visiting? Law is no benevolent visitor.
Yours sincerely, The villager.