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Nolwazi Mnikwa

A lot of spending took place during the festive season as it, like others traditionally, was a season to be merry and enjoy the fruits of one’s ‘hard-earned’ cash.

Some of the spending was needful, yes, while some of it was downright unnecessary.
January often tells a story of mis-management of finances and reckless spending that would have taken place in December. The term ‘January-disease’ has been coined as a somewhat fashionable statement yet it tells a tale of the mismanagement of finances during the festive period.

There are a lot of memes that make the rounds on social media every January through which people express how ‘long’ the month of January is. When you look at it from a different angle, January has 31 days, just as December, March, May, July, August and October have 31 days as well, so if someone can spread out their finances in these other months, what is it about the month of January that makes it different? I’m not going to get into how one should manage their finances, but I’m going to get into the subject matter of finances and relationships.

The manner in which finances are approached in any kind of relationship can either make or break a relationship. The mis-management and abuse of finances can cause conflict in relationships, whereas the proper management of finances cannot only strengthen relationships but also contribute to the development of trust in a relationship.

When I mention money and relationships, I’m making reference to the impact of money in all types of relationships that are inclusive of couples, parent-child, business, work, friendships and so on. For today, we’ll look at finances in a romantic relationship.

When committed in a relationship, both you and your spouse or partner have an obligation to be open, honest and transparent concerning your finances. Having this element in your relationship paves the way for calm and constructive conversations about the use of your combined finances, your goals, habits and even anxieties.

When you’re both transparent about your finances, you’re also in a position to learn about each other’s general attitudes to money and identify how these attitudes can either be constructive or destructive.

You may find that one in a relationship may be a spender whereas the other is a saver, so understanding these attitudes towards money goes a long way in avoiding conflict related to finances.

For couples, it’s important to understand money attitudes prior to marriage. This will help avoid the conflict that some couples experience when planning for their wedding day.

A spender will want to spend big on the wedding day, inviting a large number of guests (most of whom he/she doesn’t even relate to), incurring debts for venue hire, décor and whatever else they feel is needed. A spender will give much focus to the wedding day and forget that there’s life after the wedding day.

A saver on the other hand will opt to spend minimally on the wedding day so as to allow room to purchase a home, furniture and all other items necessary for their new life in marriage.

Having a clash of these money attitudes in preparation often causes heated arguments and serious conflict. In worst case scenarios, this at times leads to break ups.

So it’s important for those in romantic relationships to understand their partner’s attitude towards money. For those that got married without getting to understand their spouse’s attitude towards money, it’s not too late to get to understand their attitude towards finances as this will help reduce the number of money-related conflicts you may be experiencing in your relationship.

It’s also important for you as an individual to understand your attitude towards money and how that impacts your relationship with your loved one.

One thing that has been a cause of conflict in marriages is the lack of transparency concerning finances. There are actually instances where one of the two in the marriage or romantic partnership doesn’t know how much their spouse/ partner’s salary is or how much their business monthly revenue is if the spouse/partner is in business.

This is wrong on all levels. How do two people plan together where there is no transparency or honesty? In order to build a strong financial foundation as well as to avoid unnecessary conflict, there’s the need for transparency with finances in relationships. Having transparency allows for a couple to budget well.

At times you’ll hear someone say they can’t tell their spouse/partner how much they earn as the spouse/partner is wasteful. Well, part of marriage is helping build each other, so instead of hiding how much you get paid, you can be transparent about how much you get paid and then sit down and draft a budget with your spouse/partner and this will ensure that there’s no wasting of finances.

I think the concept here is basically understanding that when you’re married, what’s yours is not yours alone but it’s for both you and your spouse. Once that is understood, these money issues cease to be issues as transparency and honesty will help both of you develop strategies to ensure you use finances in a manner you both agree with.

Hiding your finances from your spouse is actually called financial infidelity as it is actually a type of cheating. So it’s good to avoid cheating at all costs by being transparent, open and honest with your finances.

While on the subject of being honest with your finances, it’s important that you’re transparent with your spouse on the money you send to your parents, siblings, relatives or friends.

Remember your finances are not yours alone, they belong to both you and your spouse so even when you would like to send someone money, it’s important that both you and your spouse are in agreement. Sometimes family or friends can reach out with an emergency, and it’s important to make sure you communicate this to your spouse/partner so you’re both able to make a decision as to how much you can assist with and also to check if your budget allows for you to assist with the amount you would have agreed on.

When it comes to assisting family members, it’s important to make sure that the assistance is not one-sided. It’s important to ensure that both the husband’s and the wife’s families receive assistance. This helps avoid the “we’re always assisting your family” conflicts.

When it comes to finances in marriage, we can go on and on because there are many issues that are a cause of conflict. What’s important is to understand that transparency, openness as well as honesty concerning finances in marriage goes a long way in avoiding conflict, and enabling couples to plan together as well as in assisting couples work through their differences in money attitudes.

In the coming week, we’ll continue to explore the impact of money on relationships looking at other types of relationships.
I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. You may send these to [email protected] or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.