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Cuthbert Mavheko

On Thursday, Zimbabweans join the rest of the world in celebrating Valentine’s Day.

Traditionally, Valentine’s is a day when lovers express their love and affection for their partners by exchanging gifts and sending greeting cards to each other.

Valentine’s Day has ancient origins and became associated with romantic love during the Middle Ages when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

Every February, across the globe, candy, flowers and various gifts are exchanged between lovers, all in the name of Saint Valentine.

While the history of Valentine’s Day is largely shrouded in mystery, what we do know is that February has, since time immemorial, been regarded as the month of love.

But who was this mysterious individual known as St Valentine? And how did he come to be associated with this romantic holiday, which is celebrated by millions of people the world over, on 14 February?

One legend postulates that Valentine was a Catholic priest, who served in Rome during the third century. According to this legend, when Emperor Claudius 2, then head of Roman Empire, decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he summarily outlawed marriage for young men.

Valentine was at variance with this decree; he defied the Emperor and continued to perform marriages for young couples surreptitiously.

However, when the Emperor got wind of this, he ordered that Valentine be put to death.

Another legend pontificates that Valentine was killed as he attempted to help Christians escape from harsh Roman prisons, where they were brutally assaulted and tortured.

It is believed that while he was in prison, Valentine fell in love with a beautiful young woman, who frequently visited him in prison, and was the daughter of his jailor. This legend has it that Valentine sent her the first “Valentine“ greeting.

It is alleged that before his death, Valentine wrote her a letter, which he signed “From your Valentine”– an expression which lovers still use today.

Notwithstanding the fact that the truth behind Valentine legends is shrouded in mystery, the stories about him emphasise his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and, most importantly, romantic figure.

The Roman Catholic Church today recognises Valentine as one of its most venerated saints. This was affirmed by Father Alex Mukaro, a Roman Catholic priest.

“The Catholic Church recognises at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinos, all of whom were martyred. As far as the Catholics are concerned, Valentine’s Day is not only a day for lovers to exchange gifts and send each other greeting cards; it is, more importantly, a day for us as Christians to honor martyrs of our faith like Saint Valentine.

“Valentine’s Day is a special day for everyone and married couples should view it as a glorious opportunity to mend ailing relationships and renew their marriage covenants.

“I have counselled both single and married couples for a long time. One striking observation that I have made is that most husbands seem not to understand their own wives. They do know what their wives value and expect from them as a token of their love and affection. This is one of the major causes of discord in some marriages.

“Women generally appreciate gifts with a personal touch, like a dress, or shoes. Gifts that last are very special to women, but they must not be very expensive. Women feel bad about very expensive gifts, as they get the impression that their man is trying to buy their love,” said Father Mukaro.

Sister Jennifer Ndlovu, the president of young women in the Gwabalanda Ward of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, said the most profound gift a man can give his partner on Valentine’s Day is love.

“Personally, I feel that the best gift a man can give his partner on this special day is love and affection. Women value this more than mere material objects. Men should show love and affection to their partners by being loyal and dependable – they should also respect their strengths and empathise with their weaknesses,” she said.

Sister Ndlovu added that women love romantic husbands, who they are not afraid to confide in, joke with and share everything with.

“In Matthew 22 verse 37 our Lord Jesus Christ said the first and greatest commandment is to love God with all our hearts, minds and souls. In verse 39, He said the second great commandment is to love our neighbours as ourselves, and this includes our own spouses, who are, in fact, our number one neighbours.

“A husband can make Valentine’s Day a memorable event for his wife by helping around the house – preparing meals, washing dishes, cleaning the house and so forth. This is a special Valentine’s Day present that a spouse is likely not to forget,” she said.

Sister Ndlovu said it was sad that in our culture men who help their wives in and around the house are often ridiculed, scoffed at and said to be bewitched “ukudliswa /kudyiswa.”

“However, the honest truth is that men who help their wives with household chores are actually helping to keep the fire of romance burning in their homes. Men

zwho leave their wives to do everything are selfish and think only about themselves. They are not concerned with their wives’ day-to-day welfare and happiness.
“

Alas, due to selfishness some husbands have criticised, maligned and ignored their wives and, in the process, destroyed their self-esteem and transformed them into fearful, timid, and depressed relics of the formerly vivacious people they used to be.
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The Book of Proverbs, chapter 18:22, says: ‘He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.’ The ‘good thing’ mentioned here, is by far the most important part of a man’s life. Her happiness must be more important to him than his hobbies, his ‘small house’ or desire to stay out late, drinking with his friends,” Sister Ndlovu said.

A loving husband, said Sister Ndlovu, shows his love and affection for his wife by continuously working to build her into a fulfilled and confident person.

“A loving man compliments his wife, praises her in front of other people and confides in her everything he does. He respects her feelings, seeks to understand her point of view and is sensitive to her moods and emotions. He also supports and empathises with her in her ups and downs, and does everything in his power to make her life comfortable.

“Over and above the foregoing, a loving husband acknowledges the value of making sincere comments to his wife at the right time to encourage her,” she said.

Sister Ndlovu went further to explain that compliments like “You look lovely today, sweetheart” or “ Your beauty never ceases to mesmerise me” will go a long way in spicing up a relationship.

– Cuthbert Mavheko is a freelance journalist, based in Bulawayo, and has contributed articles and short-stories to the Chronicle, Sunday News and various other publications since 1995. Mobile Phone: 0773963448. E –mail: [email protected]