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Vaidah Mashangwa
WOMEN are beginning to surpass men in many areas including career advancement and involvement in business activities. It is even envisaged that by 2025 more than half of the bread winners will be women. Some men feel really threatened by this development as some feel that dating a woman who has the same qualifications or higher qualifications might compromise their superior positions as men and threaten their manhood.

However, some research results point out that men do not worry much about how strong or successful a woman is but that they get worried when such attributes cross too far into a relationship and when women try to dominate. Most men believe that they need their space as heads of families and women who use their positions in the family threaten the success of their marriages.

With the difference in male-female ratio most women are serial daters as they try to find the right partner of their level. High achievers generally look for men who are ambitious and high achieving as they are. It depends with individuals, but it is rather better to find someone who is supportive rather than creating competition with a suitor in terms of abilities.

At times, women give the impression that they are so independent that they do not need a man in their lives, especially a husband when they actually do.

Once women purchase their own houses, cars and assets they give a false impression that they do not need men in their lives. In the end, men end up not dating women like these not out of intimidation but rather out of the picture that the women portray about themselves.

So at times it is not that men are afraid to date successful women but that the women themselves emit signals consciously or unconsciously that they are not interested in a relationship. Some women actually brag of what they have done or achieved on their own and the men feel that they cannot be part of such successful women.

At times this might end up affecting the entire relationship especially when a wife has better earnings than the husband. Today, more than 24 percent women worldwide earn more than their husbands, that is, four times greater than in the 1960s. This affects a man’s ego and can have a negative impact on a relationship. Many men still believe that it is important for them to earn more than their wives. When women earn more than their spouses they tend to express less marital satisfaction in terms of how the family is run and they tend to dictate everything. Therefore, where a wife earns more, it is important to appreciate what both parties are doing and how their earnings contribute to the success of the marriage.

It must be borne in mind too that there is a lot more to a marriage than just financial support. Emotional support is also essential. There are some couples who are financially stable but unhappy. Couples should realise that it really does not matter who earns more money but that it is important to work together to meet the needs of their families. There are much more important things in a marriage to worry about than who makes more money.

Where a woman earns more it must be viewed from a positive perspective. The employment of both parents boosts the average family income which in turn brings marital happiness. It is unfortunate though that some men find it difficult to render support to their wives’ careers if their wives earn more than they do. Consequently, in some cases where the wife outperforms the husband in earnings, sex lives are likely to suffer, feelings of love are more likely to diminish and marriages are more likely to end in divorce.

According to a recent study, success is not a feature men really look for in women. Some men are interested in good looks, friendly personality and a sense of humour. On the other hand, women’s self-esteem is affected by whether or not she is dating a successful man. Women who are in relationships with more successful men are more optimistic and confident. Women are happier in a relationship where the husband is able support the family and the wife is able to raise the family.

Men should also learn to appreciate that life for women is no longer what it was 50 or 60 years ago. Women are more assertive and there is no way men can date or marry passive women who have no sense of career development and success.

Actually, more successful women assist men to examine themselves so that they improve their general life outlook. If a man dates a successful woman, the man examines himself and works harder to reach or surpass that level. Successful women assist men to reset their goals and priorities.

While there are more women who are more successful than their husbands, generally marriage occurs between people within the same social class because of shared values, expectations, tastes, goals and occupations. Some tend to choose partners in terms of the same religious background.

After all the success of a marriage does not rest on how successful or not couples are. Happier couples handle conflict constructively; treat each other with respect and not putting each other down, regarding one’s spouse as a friend and having adaptable personalities, hence there is no prescription in terms of mate selection.