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Nolwazi Mnikwa, Relationships

THE word love is a verb, meaning it is a doing word. Therefore love ought to be demonstrated, it ought to be acted out and acted on. It is not just an expression of words but it must be practically displayed. In essence love is more than a feeling or a spoken word; it is a behaviour as love is active. As such, being kind is one of the actions done that demonstrates love.

To say love is kind means that love is good, it is warm hearted, caring, tender-hearted, good natured, humane, thoughtful, compassionate and well-meaning. It means that love is not selfish, it considers the one who is said to be loved.

Love considers someone’s feelings. When you are in a relationship with someone, it is important to consider their feelings. It is an expression of kindness which is an attribute of love. The good thing about considering the next person’s feelings is that it helps build the relationship. As a wife, if you constantly show that you consider your husband’s feelings in what you do; your husband will feel a deep sense of love and appreciation. The same applies for a husband as well; if a husband expresses he considers his wife’s feelings, she will feel deeply loved and appreciated. When a spouse feels deeply loved and appreciated; he or she subconsciously develops deeper feelings for their considerate spouse. 

In the same vein, when parents are considerate to their children’s feelings, it helps strengthen the parent-child relationship. There are parents who do not give their children a voice to speak out or air their opinions. They make decisions that will affect their children without including the children in the making of the decisions. For example, parents may decide to relocate to another country and leave the children behind with a relative. The parents make this decision without considering the children’s feelings, they do not consider how the children feel about being separated from their parents, they do not consider if the children are comfortable with the relatives they will be left with and they do not consider how the move will generally affect the children. The parents are pursuing their dreams and ambitions at the expense of their children whose feelings they do not consider in their decision making. 

Do not get me wrong, I am not saying parents need their children’s permission in decision making, but I am saying the children need to be incorporated in the decision making process. This will help them feel loved. It is an act of kindness that shows their feelings are being considered. In the above example, even if the children are left in the country as the parents relocate, they will be left from a position of understanding; understanding that being left behind is temporary, that it is for their benefit and a whole range of other reasons why they would need to be left behind. Involving the children in the decision making process such as in the example above is a mechanism that will ensure that the children do not develop bitterness towards their parents thinking their parents neglected them. 

There have been instances when children who did not understand the reasons behind the decisions made by their parents developed anger and resentment towards their parents which ultimately strained their relationship. There have also been instances when parents just left their children with relatives, only to find out their children were being abused at a later stage, which also has caused children to develop anger and resentment towards their parents resulting in strained relationships. Involving the children in the decision making process could have helped avoid the occurrence of these instances as the children would understand the reasons behind their parents’ decision and the children could have voiced out their concerns and discomforts in being left with certain relatives. 

Involving children in the decision making process gives them the confidence that their feelings are of importance to you, it makes them feel heard, appreciated and loved. Involving the children in the decision-making process is a small act of kindness that is an expression of love. Whether it be concerning relocation, a school your child will attend, the kind of clothes to buy for your child, a holiday destination or whichever decision needs to be made, involving your children in the decision making process is a small act of kindness that helps strengthen your relationship with your children

The same principle applies in marriage, considering your spouse’s feelings is one of the key ingredients to a happy marriage. This means that for decisions that need to be made, it is important for them to be made in consultation with each other. It also means that as a wife or husband, you must be alive to the things that make your spouse happy or sad, the things that make your spouse cry or laugh and to the things that bring your spouse joy or pain. 

In knowing these things, you will then make an effort to avoid doing the things that will bring your spouse pain, sadness and the things that will make your spouse cry. You will also make the effort to do things that will bring your spouse joy, laughter and happiness. In doing so you are expressing thoughtfulness, humanity, compassion and you are exhibiting characteristics of being a well-meaning individual. All these are attributes of kindness which are an expression of love. 

Due to the fact that love is kind, it automatically means that love is not unkind, inconsiderate or cruel. Love does not do someone wrong on purpose just to spite them, love does not intentionally hurt someone, love does not revenge and love does not do wrong things just to prove a point. In love, two wrongs don’t make a right; just because the person you love would have hurt your feelings does not mean you go and do something that will hurt their feelings as well. Instead you both find a way to talk through and sort out your differences without making it a competition to see who is the champion in hurting the other or to see who gets hurt the most. 

I would love to hear your thoughts, comments and feedback as well as relationship topics you would like to have covered. 

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 or to +263775978857. Keep safe and be blessed.