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Tsungai Chekerwa-Machokoto
MOTHERS have an influence on children and the family that is not debatable.

They are the biggest contributors to the socialisation process. The power to build or destroy lies within them.

The future is literally at their mercy. Fathers and male role models in families also play an integral part in teaching and training children but the mother remains in the driver’s seat.

Christian socialisation demands through Biblical assertion that one should, “…train up a child in the way that he should go and when he grows up he will never depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6).

The question is: are women aware of that? Often times women are lost in their present realities that they forget to focus on the future and on utilising their influence strategically.

Unfortunately, fear of poverty has become the biggest deciding factor affecting most family structures.

The moral fibre of society has almost been eroded completely because of this fear of poverty.

As the first teachers of children, mothers have the power to invalidate fear of poverty. They can socialise their children to be content with what they have and to understand that the energy to change situations lies within.

The social learning theory talks about how children learn from observing and I have personally seen evidence of that.

On many occasions little children react in exactly the same way as their parents do in instances where the parents least expect it.

This shows that the little ones around us, like little sponges, are constantly absorbing our reactions, our attitudes, our perspectives, our mannerisms and our own characters.

You have probably heard of a hardworking family before, a family where everyone is learned and a professional.

We are talking about a family of intellectuals, lawyers, doctors or business people. Do you ever wonder how that happens to have all members becoming, say, doctors?

It takes practice and commitment to achieve that. I have seen my own daughter taking her homework books and bringing them to a table and chair because she grew up seeing her sisters studying there and often sees mummy sitting there and studying as well.

I have no problems with her as far as studying is concerned.

To her, it’s normal for people to be serious about study and pack their books away and get ready for the next day.

It will be very hard to convince her that school is a play place and that homework is boring.

It’s too late because I taught her from a young age that maths is fun and exciting.

Whenever she hears negative comments about maths she starts to explain that maths is exciting and she is doing great at it!

The power to make or break the future generation lies with the teachings of the parents, especially the mother.

Women often ask me how to teach their own children information that they themselves are not familiar with.

I mentioned earlier that women have the most powerful influence on children.

A child does not need a mother to justify why they are teaching what they are teaching. If women would teach their children not to be envious of other people’s things for instance, the duty of the child is just to listen provided they themselves also act like wise.

‘Do as I do’ works better than ‘do as I say’. If children grow up being content with what they have, they would be going against their conscience when they start envying other people’s things.

I overheard a certain beautiful young lady by the name Tanya talking to her brother, describing an incident she had with their mother.

She says she went to her mother and asked her if she looked like a minister’s wife? Her mother then asked her, “Why do you want to look like the minister’s wife? Why can’t you be the minister?”

She says her mother then gave her a lecture and up until now she is still reprimanding her over the matter.

It hit me right there that it is true that a mother is indeed the most important teacher in life who makes the biggest impact in a child’s life.

If the mother had given an affirmative response, it would have encouraged Tanya to dump her ambitions and wait for a “minister” to marry her.

She would have strived to become the perfect, good looking trophy wife for her husband.

This is, arguably, the usual teaching that most youths get these days. Rarely do people talk about self-achievements.

There are some young women who take pride in having affairs with married men because of the flashy benefits they get.

Their mothers and fathers are tolerant of that behaviour as they go to the extent of accepting lobola for their daughters, turning them into someone’s second, third, or even fifth wife.

Fear of poverty has become the deciding factor in issues to do with morality.

Even the Bible, the voice of God Himself, has been shoved aside in pursuit of temporary benefits. The country has become chaotic because of a dearth of good moral standard.

Back in the days it was unheard of for a girl child to bring a gift from a man into the house. My father would not have any of that.

My mother was extremely conservative and would never tolerate such behaviour. In our family I remember dire consequences for unacceptable behaviour such as disobedience.

Sadly today, children can challenge any authority. Everything is negotiable.

It is a sad scenario and it has eaten away the moral fibre of our future generation.

A question can also be posed: what is wrong with a liberal mother? It’s as if morality is principled on the idea of being either Conservative or Liberal- how can that be?

Well, I humbly submit that this is not the basis of my argument but the very fact that whatever our orientation is, the female moral fibre must fight against today’s degeneration with every inch of our being!

No one can ignore HIV/AIDS, high crime rates, abortions and heightened drug abuse as some of the ills bedevilling our society.

This is something which we as women, wives, sisters, aunties, grandmothers and mothers can put an end to, if we commit ourselves.

As a gender activist and feminist, I have read enough to make an inference on the power of a woman’s influence. Since social justice is what gender is all about, we can certainly influence the direction our children’s lives take.

If all women and men take it upon themselves to act morally by instilling principles of integrity into our youths, the results would be phenomenal.

The economic situation has demanded that most of our time is spent on looking for money more than anything else.

It then requires a conscious effort to instil life lessons to our children ourselves.

Spending quality time with the children is mandatory and necessary. The world around us has gone bad socially.

Sex is used to sell everything, be it water, fruit juice, and car tyres, among others, and if we are too busy to instil prudence, patience, love and forgiveness in our children, we will have a rude awakening when life demands those virtues from them in later life.

If women raise their game and start exerting their influence at whichever level they are in their lives, a new Zimbabwe will emerge without a doubt.

About the writer: Tsungai Chekerwa-Machokoto is a housewife and mother of two. She studied law with the University of South Africa (UNISA) and also a final year student with the Women’s University in Africa (WUA) where she is studying towards a BSc degree in Women’s and Gender Studies. Chekerwa-Machokoto is also a Gender Consultant. Email: [email protected].