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Bongiwe Nkomazana
Single mothers are everyday heroines who fight a battle that nobody except fellow single mothers will understand.

With new innovations like In-Vitro Fertilisation and adoption, now some women can choose to be single moms but most women find themselves being single mothers due to circumstances they cannot change.

Why has it been normalised for a woman to struggle with children that she could have not, in any ways natural, conceived alone? Are they to blame?

Is society allowing a pattern that does not only affect women but that will affect these children growing up in a single parent household to be a trend?

Putting death aside, let us talk about some of the reasons single mothers have become a large demographic in the human population.

Being a single mother myself and having listened to the stories of others in similar situations, I am still yet to meet one mom that says I chose to raise my kids by myself because I just wanted to.

Single mothers are more or less forced to take up the role of both mother and father for a number of reasons. One of the reasons being that a lot of fathers have just chosen to abandon their roles. The idea of having a child sounds good on paper, however, it is a huge responsibility and a lot of hard work in reality.

Men do not realise that until they are living it. From the doctor’s appointments, the baby supplies and even having to watch themselves share their wives and girlfriends with their offspring becomes a huge shock to most men. It becomes overwhelming for them to a point where they just cannot take it and they just up and leave, opting to begin a whole new life without the new “stress”.

As a woman, I can never understand how such men are able to live a whole new life knowing that they abandoned a woman that had their baby and the baby itself. Maybe men can give us insight on how they are able to function or sleep at night and be happy with themselves knowing at the back of their minds that they abandoned an innocent soul that they should have protected, loved and provided for.

You see, this is a privilege that many women do not have. No sane woman can willingly get up one morning and disappear from their child’s life. It is ironic because a child inherits more of their father’s DNA, surname and birthplace yet the mother is the one person who will love them unconditionally and sacrifice their comfort and luxuries for their child.

Another cause to the rise in numbers of single mothers which is almost similar to the “abandoners” is the men who deny responsibility of a child. This is common with our younger brothers. Once a girl emerges pregnant with their child, they immediately deny not only being intimate with her but any knowledge of her existence.

Poor young girl then has to face the shame of being labelled irresponsible and loose. She has to drop out of school or is shunned from her home while she watches her rogue lover continue with his life with no consequences at all.

Their lives are changed completely but they remain a constant in their baby’s lives, growing to accept the fact that they are alone and eventually finding happiness in their new found role of single mother. Young women who have not established themselves should know better than to indulge in sex, let alone unprotected sex because they are fully aware of the after effects.

Meanwhile, could it be that these young “denying fathers” have no role models to show them how to own up to their mistakes and try to do right moving forth or is it just easy for boys to get away scot free?

In all of this, I am not saying women are innocent victims because there are situations where they are the cause of them raising their children by themselves.

Ever heard of the saying “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”? Women are known to be vengeful, using their children as pawns in their revenge. To punish their partners and spouses, mothers, for whatever reason, will kick the father out of the house.

They are angry about him cheating or drinking and choose to extract him out of a home that he shares with his children. How are the children involved in your marital disputes and why are they being denied seeing their father every day?

Think about it. If the dad is not abusing his children and is generally a good father, why do women take away the children for issues that have nothing to do with them? A woman will not abandon her children but she will pack all her things, strap her child to her back and run for dear life. Women are known to get up and leave their “baby daddies” for so many reasons. The problem with that, whether you ran for your children’s well being or not, is that the same children will grow up to ask a lot of questions about their father and their roots. The moment they establish that the mother uprooted them from the other half that makes up their being, they resent her and blame her for all their failures.

Anyway, situations differ and we have all either lived through one of them or seen them play out around us. There are very successful single mothers who are living happily with their children. However, that is not how it is supposed to be. Children should have both a mother and a father.

A recent study done by sociologists warns that this trend could have a deep impact on society because studies in other parts of the world have shown that a significant number of children brought up in single parent families have lower life prospects than their peers brought up in two-parent families.

Men, do not be the reason your children watch their mother raise them single-handedly. Be the type of men who will stand by their children. Make being a responsible father a new fashionable trend. Show your sons what it takes and what it is to be a real man, a real dad.

Women, continue to prove that there is nothing a woman cannot do. Continue to raise your children with love and a smile on your face.

Your song will be sung by your children when they realise all you have done for them and more.