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Vaidah Mashangwa
Yesterday Zimbabweans woke up to the shocking news that 30 people were killed in a horrific accident involving a bus and a commuter omnibus on Thursday afternoon, 20km out of Kwekwe in the Midlands. Many more were injured, some of them seriously. Among the deceased were mothers and fathers who are bread winners for their respective families.

Nothing is as painful as losing a beloved one. It can be a husband, child, parents or a colleague. After the loss one has to go through the painful process of grief. Grief may involve despair, sadness, loss of meaning, defeat, depression and growing isolation.

At times while this may diminish with time, this can go on up to the end of one’s life. Some people may even need counselling so that they can go back to their productive tasks once again and regain a more positive view of life, adjust and live with the loss.

At times grief involves meeting and adapting to new challenges. It might mean learning new skills, creating new patterns of behaviour and forming new friendships and relationships.

If grief is not well managed it can lead to suicidal tendencies and more and more depression. Some family members blame each other for the death of a family member and this adds more misery to the grieving family members.

It is unfortunate that in most communities when a husband dies the wife is usually blamed for the death even where the cause of the death was known to everyone. Most women suffer after the death of their husbands because of this. At times the woman masks the grief and suffers silently for a long period.

It is, however, estimated that 10 to 20 percent of survivors have difficulty in moving on with their lives. They just feel that they cannot go on on their own without the deceased and just feel the future has no meaning. At times this affects the phsyiscal and mental health of the survivor.

Grief is highly influenced by the type of death as well. Deaths that are sudden, untimely and violent are likely to have prolonged effects on surviving individuals and make the coping process more difficult.

Some survivors even suffer from nightmares and flashbacks. Examples include accidents, suicide, homicide or natural disasters such as floods, lightning and so on. In most cases sudden death is associated with witchcraft or curse of some sort.

Losing a life partner is equally disastrous as some widows or widowers may fail to cope forever. How surviving spouses cope differs considerably.

Those left behind by an intimate partner suffer prolonged grief and often endure financial crisis, loneliness, increased physical illness and psychological disorders including serious depression.

Higher levels of chronic grief are intertwined with those widows or widowers who are highly dependent on their spouse for survival. This is the reason why every man and woman should learn to be financially independent and try to have a source of income.

Generally due to the economic meltdown, it is high time couples assist each other with the smooth-running of households. If financial resources are inadequate there is a lot of quarrelling and domestic violence among couples.

Research points out that widows outnumber widowers because women outlive men, women tend to marry men older that themselves and widowers are more likely to remarry.

Women take more time to remarry than men and some choose to remain widowed forever. The simple reason being that women are more worried about the children and the prospect of a stepfather raising their children is not attractive to them.

On the other hand, men remarry much earlier because they need someone to take care of them in terms of household chores. At times they simply rush to remarry someone without proper assessment of whether that person will take good care of the children left behind.

One study found that widowed women are among the poorest groups the world over. Most widows experience a decline in their living standards one year after the death of their husbands (especially those that are economically dependent on the husbands).

There is also a risk of death among widows/widowers aged 65 years and above after the death of a spouse. At times this is due to loneliness.

Women adjust better than men after the death of a spouse because in our society women are responsible for the emotional life of a couple whereas men usually manage finances and material goods.

Women have better networks of friends, closer relationships with relatives and experience in taking care of children.

Older widows do better than younger widows after the death of a partner probably because the death of a partner is more expected for older women that younger women. However, the scenario is a bit different because of the HIV/AIDS pandemic.

For either widows or widowers social support is important for them to adjust. This is the reason why some turn to church for support and guidance. In some churches widows share experiences through seminars, conferences and discussion groups.

Here, widows reach out to their colleagues and those with similar problems share ideas and information. As a result there are quite a number of widows and widowers who increase their spiritual beliefs soon after the death of their spouses.

Other coping strategies may include effective communication with all family members and avoiding negative comments about the surviving spouse. In chronic cases there might be need for counselling the grieving person through organisations like Contact Counselling Centre or, if one can afford, through a professional therapist.

Loneliness can be avoided by maintaining an active positive social life which can include visiting relatives and friends or even participating in recreational activities or trying out a new hobby. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle of constant exercise and a healthy diet is also important and survivors should be wary of excessive or careless behavioural patterns like consuming excess alcohol, promiscuity and even drug addictions to antidepressants or sleeping medication.

In cases where children lose their parent(s) or guardian it is paramount to be vigilant of any change in their behaviour as this may be a sign of negative underlying emotions or thoughts. Symptoms may include being withdrawn, change in weight due to overeating or not eating, violent tendencies, a change of friends and in the case of adolescents going out more.

To cope with financial challenges there are collective projects widows can be involved in. Capital for these projects can be accessed through microfinance institutions and banks. Low capital start-up projects include: sewing; raising chickens; selling of kapenta, madora/macimbi and fruits; freezit making; making and selling peanut butter; candle and soap making, baking and interior décor.

It is advisable that one has life assurance and seek funeral services from reputable funeral companies or parlours so that surviving members of the family can have less financial difficulties.

•About the writer: Vaidah Mashangwa, is Provincial Development Officer Bulawayo Metropolitan, Ministry of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development. She can be contacted on +263772111592 and email: [email protected]