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Bongiwe Nkomazana
If you are that guy that will shout out profanities/insults at a random woman because of how she is dressed then this is especially for you. If you are that woman who insists on forcing their style onto the next woman please continue reading. If you think that women should have you in mind when they purchase their clothes and accessories please listen.

Never have I ever seen people make a fuss over what a man has on. I was in a workshop last week and women’s regalia became a topic for discussion at one point. I remember the bellowing voice of one of the male participants, who had an autocratic demeanour that suggested that he believes that he knows everything, say that as women we should know that we do not dress for ourselves, we must know that our dressing evokes the feelings of other people.

As I was about to respond with passion and aggression in disagreement, I just let out a heavy sigh and decided to hold my peace. The fact that we still have people with this type of mentality just shows how much more work we still have in the fight against women abuse because such people fail to take responsibility for their actions and refuse to have control over their feelings.

Do people understand the concept of living your life for yourself? It involves deliberately choosing to do the things that make one feel happy and fulfilled.

Women have been put in a box for so long and have recently adopted in every aspects of their life the liberating idea of being unapologetically themselves.

So how do we become ourselves unapologetically with so many people ready to pass judgment? You know those people, especially male, who think that that their opinion is God’s special message to mankind?

First step to being unapologetically you is to disregard irrelevant opinions. If a person is not your mother or your spouse, if they do not contribute a dime to your existence, their judgment is as good as a heater in a Zimbabwean summer’s day. Secondly, get to know yourself.

Once you understand your personality and your body type you are more likely to go for an appearance that is a genuine representation or reflection of the true you. You will find that you are more comfortable and are able to defend your look no matter what judgments are thrown your way.

Now that that is out of the way, let us go back to what the core message of this article is. Dear people, there is a difference between community involvement and imposition or just plain nosiness.

If you are that guy that will shout out profanities/insults at a random woman because of how she is dressed then this is especially for you. If you are that woman who insists on forcing their style onto the next woman please continue reading. If you think that women should have you in mind when they purchase their clothes and accessories please listen.

When you are hit with that urge to blurt out a comment towards any woman first ask yourself who you are to this woman. Do you even know her name or if she is having a bad day? Ask yourself how your negative comment, be it an insult or a sexual pass, will affect this lady?

Men are very careless with their tongues and what they do not realise is that this type of behaviour is disgusting to say the least. What is the point of barking out words that will not be listened to? If you are really passionate about changing the way a woman dresses turn to your daughters or wife and focus on them. Who are you to dictate to other people’s wives and daughters how to dress? Leave their husbands and fathers to handle it.

I am dark and I love bright and bold lipsticks from time to time. I shared an office with a guy that I am thinking did not like them on me. So he threw shade, a whole darn tree actually, when he sent me a link to a YouTube video on the lipstick shades a dark skin girl should wear.

You see, the girl I was before I found Jesus would have told him to ditch his colourful pants, to pronounce the word Qatar correctly and to cut off that fingernail he had growing on his pinkie finger. I am saved and born again so I just politely told him that I know what I like and maybe his girlfriend could watch the video instead.

You see, I understood that it was not my place to tell this guy what to wear and as strong as my urge was to attack his nail with a hacksaw, I told myself that this was not my hand and I did not know the reasons behind him keeping that nail.

It is not only men who want to be self-appointed fashion police but we have women who just cannot accept the fact that other women dress differently. I appreciate a friend, emphasis on friend, advising me on what to or what not to wear mainly because I would have asked for her input.

A random woman telling you to trade in your flats for stilettos is not appreciated because, first of all, will they buy the high heels and then secondly, will they walk in them for you? I absolutely cringe when older women especially, criticise the way women of today dress. We know with age comes wisdom but there is absolutely no way a 20 year old woman will look like a 40 something year old.

It is not natural.

Women of today will not gravitate towards a frumpy look, rather they like a more tailored look. I do not know what is more annoying between being told to dress a certain way to get a husband or to be reminded to go to the gym…but that is a whole different story for another Saturday. My point is no matter how much we may try as women to dress for anyone other than ourselves, we could never please absolutely everybody. People will always find something to nitpick.

Your aunt’s cup of tea may not be the lady at work’s cup of tea. Women do a lot for other people and all we ask for is to be allowed to be the creative directors of what we look like. I want my fellow women to be aware of their right to express themselves via their bodies, clothes, hair and make-up.

Whether you are dark or light-skinned, thick or slim, flamboyant or reserved, into pants or into dresses, your appearance is at your own discretion. Do you ladies. Do remember that there is a time and place for our different styles though.

We are not trying to be found guilty of public indecency. I believe that as long as you are respectful to yourself you cannot go wrong.