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Gender Vaidah Mashangwa
THE modern father is now completely different from the traditional married breadwinner and a disciplinarian in the family. Nowadays, a father can be single, divorced, widowed or a stepfather. He can be externally employed or staying at home.

While the traditional father played his role with caution, making sure that the general welfare of children is left in the hands of the mother, today’s fathers are different as research across all the ethnic groups suggests that fathers’ affection and increased family involvement help promote the social and emotional development of children.

The other reason why fathers’ roles have suddenly changed in recent decades is because of the economic role played by women. Between 1948 and 2001 the number of women in the labour force nearly doubled from 33 percent to 60 percent.

This means women have more autonomy than before resulting in the increase of divorce rates, remarriage and separation which consequently has resulted in a transition of the role of a male parent from traditional to multiple and undefined roles of fathers. Today’s fathers have taken over the role of looking after children including girls during such times when mothers are absent.

The caregiving role is slowly being bestowed on the father. Research suggests that children who receive love and mentorship from their fathers are less likely to struggle with good behaviour or substance abuse problems.

In the case where the father is divorced and in custody of the children, he has to ensure that he meets the needs of both the boy and the girl child including taking care of the menstrual hygiene needs of the girl child.

The most important thing in deciding whether to involve dad in any kind of talk or involvement during this time of a girl’s life is the wishes of the girl herself.

Fathers have to help psychologically prepare their daughters for their first menstruation period. As a father, you can make use of the internet and research more on the subject using search engines like Google.

Fathers need to discuss openly with the girl child, telling her that menstruation is a normal phase of life, a key part of growing. Let her know that asking questions on the subject is alright.

You can start with the basics by explaining that her first few periods will most likely be light, and they might not be regular in the beginning. The blood might be red, brown, or even blackish, and she should change her pad every four to six hours.

However, there is a potential problem. Are the girls free to discuss menstrual hygiene and needs with their fathers, brothers or uncles in the absence of the mother?

According to online publication, the examiner.com, puberty tends to be a roller coaster time for girls and they tend to become much more modest and easily embarrassed. A girl can have a very close relationship with her father and still wish to keep this time of her life private from him and other close family members.

Fathers, especially single or divorced, also may not have the answers to all questions girls may have. For instance, what menstrual products are most comfortable? What do cramps feel like? If you can feel a tampon inside, is it in the wrong?

If you’re a father who will be having this discussion with your daughter, you may want to assemble a few women to refer to if you don’t have the answers to every question. By assembling the women to help you engage your daughter over the subject, you would have played a crucial role.

Menstruation is something men can never experience yet it is one important aspect of life they ought to be part and parcel of. The other problem is that our society treats periods as personal and private, something that must never be discussed openly except in vague references.

When a girl experiences her first menstruation at school in a class with a male teacher what should she do? When a daughter starts her first cycle at home in the presence of the father only, what should she do?

It is paramount that men are introduced to issues to do with menstruation at an early age for them to be able to play a supportive role to the women in later life.

In a research 18-24 year old men when asked about what they understood about menstruation indicated that they had limited understanding about the issue. They highlighted that the subject is never discussed at family level. Most of the interviewees highlighted that they had picked up the subject through friends or from tampon commercials on television shows.

The young men pointed out that even during sex-education in schools the issue was skirted entirely or it was described medically. Girls were usually given a warning to watch out for the first periods and that missing a period at times meant pregnancy. Nothing was discussed about the physical and psychological effects of menstruation.

As a result of this, many men grow up with a mentality that regards menstruation as a mystery. They are puzzled by what actually takes place during menstruation and most of the young men interviewed described their continued horror and disgust at the process.

Some of the things that men need to understand about periods is that they last anywhere between two and seven days. It is estimated that on average a woman uses 11,000 tampons during her life time. This is besides the use of pads, cotton wool and other unhygienic methods such as tissue, leaves, pieces of old cloth and cow dung.

Therefore it is the responsibility of every parent including fathers to ensure that the girl child has enough pads throughout the year. Some researchers have pointed out the importance of issues of equity in terms of giving out pocket money to boys and girls. There is need for the girl’s pocket money to include money to buy her supply of pads.

It is this lack of knowledge and appreciation about female bodies that creates a gap and breeds negative views among some men about girls. When girls spoil their uniforms in class it is regarded by boys as a mark of shame and a sign of weakness.

This can be avoided if both boys and girls understand at a tender age that menstruation is a natural process that girls go through.

However, there are some men who eventually become menstrual mature and reach a stage of empathy and understanding. Unfortunately this is not always guaranteed as some men remain with the same stereotypes and myths from boyhood.

What makes menstruation difficult for most girls is that most schools have a problem with water, sanitation and hygiene (WASH) as it relates to menstrual needs. Most toilets especially in the rural areas lack privacy for girls to deal with menstruation.

Girls unlike boys ought to change pads between lessons and at times this is difficult due to lack of running water. Girls fail to cleanse themselves well throughout the day and worse still most schools do not provide pads for emergency or when the girls run out of them.

SNV is one organisation in Zimbabwe that is promoting menstrual hygiene management in rural schools through their WASH programme. They are designing and installing user friendly toilets for girls as well as teaching women and girls on how to make re-usable pads. Countries such as Kenya have the same programme.

Most boys tease girls during this period and most girls prefer staying home till the menstruation is over and end up missing lessons in the process and other school activities such as sports.

It is critical therefore that boys be part of the discussions around menstruation to help them understand what girls go through and to be more sympathetic towards female students. This can be reinforced during health clubs besides the usual Biology lessons. Instilling a sense of compassion around menstruation is particularly important for men and boys.

Where a female teacher is not available, a male teacher should be able to offer solutions. Girls should be able to ask for sanitary pads from a male teacher and they need to be comfortable with the asking.

Similarly a daughter should be free to ask for money to buy sanitary pads from the father during the absence of the mother and must be comfortable to do so.

It is unfortunate that most children come from homes where pads are not seen as essential and that is the reason why most girls end up using anything at their disposal.

Pads should be among the list of grocery items in the home every month so that the girl child is not disadvantaged. Parents should study and know what is comfortable for their daughters as pads vary in sizes, shape and degree of absorbency.

In Kenyan schools, menstrual discussions are conducted with parents on how they can help their daughters manage their periods. Educating boys and girls at school without educating the parents at times leaves the equation of socialisation incomplete.

Menstruation management, ladies and gentlemen, needs the support of parents including fathers.

• Vaidah Mashangwa is the Provincial Development Officer Ministry of Women Affairs, Gender and Community Development. She can be contacted on 0772111592 email [email protected]