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Yoliswa Dube-Moyo
AS a little girl growing up, my mother used to do my hair every Sunday afternoon. Or was it fortnightly? I can’t remember, but it was very close between appointments.

Hair day meant shampooing and plaiting amabhanzi. My hair was natural because my mother was against chemicalising children’s hair.

I didn’t enjoy hair day because the process was painful, I’d cry through it. It took a lot of patience on her part, I realise this now.

Thank goodness Khaya is a boy, I doubt I would’ve been able to keep up with the same level of drama! Anyway, once my hair was done, I’d be happy about it of course. I’d go through the week with a neat head, brightly lit face and gold studded ear lobes. I often see pictures, I was a cute little girl, if I may say so myself.

On special occasions like birthdays and Christmas Day, my mother would allow me to wear my hair in a bun, but for that to happen, it meant stretching my natural hair straight first. Now that was the definition of painful! A thin, metal stretching comb would be placed on a hot plate on the stove, get heated and then comb my hair straight. Wow. I can’t begin to explain how painful it was!

My mother often reminds me of those torturous days. I wanted to look good, but I wasn’t willing to pay the price. One December holiday, I decided I had had enough! I wanted to have my hair cut like Mainini Marcy, but the barber didn’t hear me well. Or he did, but I failed to describe exactly what I wanted.

It was at the then Rough Cuts Hair Salon that that barber spoiled my holiday! Instead of a simple trim, he gave me a brush cut! I cried my eyes out that day. I hated it. I thought I looked ugly, whatever that meant. But, I look back now and think how my mother tried hard to teach me that my natural hair was beautiful and I looked pretty in it. My identity was strongly grounded in looking natural and feeling confident in being myself.

Now, as an adult, I know I’m absolutely gorgeous (I kid you not!) whether I have long hair or not. I don’t feel inferior to anyone because I don’t have a 26-inch Brazilian weave on my head. I really couldn’t be bothered whether I have a weave or not to be honest.

It’s the same as make-up. I can live without it. Not to say I’m against weaves and make-up altogether, no, I just believe we don’t need them. All the time at least. They say they should be enhancers of our beauty, perhaps, but I see how some women feel inadequate without make-up or hair extensions.

I remember one girl in varsity who would NEVER leave hostel without make-up on. She said she felt naked without make-up. Her confidence would almost be on zero which I think is rather sad.

There’s a whole generation of girls that believe they’re not beautiful without weaves and make-up. To me it speaks of deep-rooted issues.

Someone perpetuated a narrative that beauty fits in a certain mould yet we’re all uniquely beautiful. Women today have issues not only around hair and make-up, but with their weight and complexion. Why in the world should we listen to some philosopher who just woke up one day and decided light-skinned girls are more beautiful than dark-skinned ones?

Or that you’re not good enough once your weight hits past the 70kg mark on a scale? Why do we think filters on our pictures are quintessential? Some might blame it on the media for pushing certain narratives in order to sell various products, but I think we’re letting down our daughters if we’re not teaching them that they are beautiful, just the way they are. If you have a little girl at home, think about the kind of woman you want her to be. Be sparing in your criticism of how she looks and help her see that she is beautiful, just the way she is. It’ll go a long way in shaping how she’ll carry herself into adult life.

Ladies, understand why you’re wearing make-up. You don’t need foundation, concealer and powder all at once. Wear a weave if you must, but understand that it says nothing about a person’s social standing. If you don’t like your weight, do something to change it but don’t let your heaviness stop you from living a full life.

Until next week, flaunt your pattern and style and don’t forget to catch up with me on Twitter handle @PatternStyleZw or WhatsApp +263774492700.