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Andile Tshuma
Is it about money, the currency or just a process of cementing love and forming a relationship between two families?

Lobola is defined as a tangible form of asset that constitutes an agreed upon dowry meant to forge a relationship between two families which are united by the marriage. However, the functions and meanings attached to the practice are constantly changing.

Can we put a dollar sign on love?

A few weeks ago, some WhatsApp messages were leaked and said to be of a guy and his girlfriend arguing about lobola money.

Many may have come across it as the issue trended for days on micro blog site Twitter, Facebook and on WhatsApp.

There was this woman called Melo who was livid about her boyfriend’s intention to bring local currency as part of her bride price. So the guy, referred to as Prosper claimed to have some American dollars, R25 000 and an undisclosed amount of Zimbabwean dollars.

The girl was saying she was not raised by bond notes and her family would not accept our currency as part of the dowry. So Prosper makes some valid points that he works in Zimbabwe and earns a “bond note” salary, so whatever he has in forex is from very hard work and feels that he has done more than enough in making efforts to at least bring some forex to the table, so the bond notes must be accepted.

The girl insists on him going to the parallel market traders to buy forex before coming for the negotiations.

The chat was very long, but the gist of the matter was that Melo felt that she could not have her family call the entire clan to come and accept a dowry paid in bond notes. It also appeared that she felt under pressure to show off to her friends, the squad that would be around, to see that her dowry is paid in forex.

Lobola is a very serious issue, it is somewhat sacred and should have never made it to the Twitter and WhatsApp streets in the first place but alas, the issue made news. It was trending on Twitter for days, even corporates rode on the wave and came up with some killer promotional material from the #Melo #lobola challenge.

This brings me to the issue of what the lobola ceremony is really about.

Are people now cashing in on this cultural rite?

Is it still about families forming a relationship ukwakha ubuhlobo or kuvaka hukama. It however, seems lobola is now a get rich quick scheme for some families. The drama for Melo’s lobola ceremony does not end with the argument about what currency to transact in.

There was another interesting WhatsApp message, about grocery raMai Melo, trust me what I read in that list is enough to stock a rural “general dealer” for three months. The list read like a stokvel contribution year end grocery for 50 people, if you have been to a grocery club and observe when they share groceries at the year end, you may probably understand.

It was really shocking.

Well, not that I mean to impose anything but is marriage and building a relationship still about love and commitment. With what I saw on that list, I guess the poor will not afford to marry, if that becomes the standard of traditional marriage ceremony transactions. I intentionally say transaction because I feel that lobola is no longer about building but its now a form of transaction, some people out there are bent on making a profit from their daughters.

Suppose she has a Masters degree and well on her way to attaining her doctorate. She went to Rhodes University for her undergraduate degree and you took her to Westminster for her post-graduate studies. Now, you feel that you cannot accept bond notes as dowry, is that because you feel someone else’s child must repay you for giving your own child the education that you could afford?

Beats me.

The Bible says a man must marry only when he is in a position to be able to take care of his wife and children and manage his affairs. Some people have used this scripture to support the idea that if a man cannot afford the bride price that a particular family demands, then he is not fit to ask anyone’s child for a hand in marriage. I’m not sure this is okay as it may bring problems.

Mr Rich guy can come along, and pay a truckload of Benjamins in bride price that could buy you enough cattle to start an abattoir business, but that still does not guarantee that your daughter will be happy. She will be financially stable, all your money spent on taking care of that child will be recovered, but she may be living with a rich monster.

I am not romanticising poverty; there is nothing romantic about poverty and sisters, when it is time to marry, do not yoke yourself with someone who seems clueless about paying his bills. It’s not about how much money he earns, but you can see the order in his life and in his finances. If he can manage his few cents well, imagine what life could be if you both bring your few cents together, invest them and have a couple of few cents and couple of dollars more in no time.

If you marry a rich fool, then brace yourself to be always doing the task of decision making and ensuring that this fool does not fool around to poverty with his money, taking you alongside.

Where I come from, the bride price is usually anything between 6-10 cows and the price varies. Also, it is a norm that this amount is not paid once off, although some families insist on a minimum payment upfront. So if a guy can bring the equivalent of his six cows in bonds, I wonder where the problem is, is it that farmers will not want to sell their cattle in bond notes or people just do not like this currency, or we are all just under pressure to keep up appearances and maintain certain standards.

Whatever your thoughts and feelings about lobola and currencies, as a parting shot, bear in mind that this young couple has a long life ahead of them and demanding an arm and a leg as dowry does not give them a head start in life, but may actually cripple them for the rest of their existence. Think about it. – @andile_tshuma