Zimpapers Logo

relationship with someone special is really wonderful, but what do you do when being with them is killing your own soul and making you ill and you probably do not realise it?
The thing about life is, one cannot do it alone – beginning, day-to-day life, marriage and ultimately death all involve human interaction in some form or another. The fact is; people are the workforce of life. So, surprisingly, it is often these human interactions that cause us the most stress.
Whether it is a love match, business complicity or a close friendship, there are always good and bad points.
Keeping things on an even keel can be a full time job. But how do you know that the relationship you have built is health or destructive?
It is worth noting that these kinds of relationship are fast moving and exploitation is the name of the game.
These days, women have vowed to fight for equity and equal rights but are they enjoying what they have cried for? The question still sounds haunting to those with family problems.
One important thing to observe is that financial independence can make it easier for women to find a way out of an unhappy marriage. American researchers studied the marriages and income of more than 2 500 women who married for the first time between 1979 and 2002. They found that those women who consistently made more money than their husbands were up to 38 percent more likely to divorce than others. Although Professor Jay Teachman, of Western Washington University, said there could be several reasons behind the statistics.
If this is enough to raise a question, should people use financial stamina as a tool to bolster up long lasting relationships?
One of the reasons cited by many is the issue of priorities. Some prioritise having children than to feel affection for their partners. Most households have this kind of an alarming scenario where there is no true love between the two but only the presence of infinitive squabbles. Divorce cases have also risen with couples partying their ways over such issues.
“This is a pure marriage of convenience which clearly signifies the presence of infidelity between couples,” said a man who identified himself as Tawanda Kajiri from Kuwadzana.
“I wonder why most women have this idea. They just need to be in a marriage than to love their partners, it is a common trend currently on the chic but they are causing more harm than good,” he added.
One woman challenged the notion and further added hot points by indicating the importance of children as ‘binding agents’ to any relationship. “A relationship without children is bound to death,” argued Gracious Mapete a mother of two from Chitungwiza. “How many childless couples do you see sharing true love?” She questioned. “Most of them have long divorced because something is lacking, there is no true love without children” added Mapete.
The debate over child-related issues remained controversial since some pointed out that a number of families are separating despite having more children, adding that kids only does not signify the existence of passion between lovers.
It is interesting also to note that in most of these flattering affairs one partner could feel lucky to be with his or her lover. This applies to both married and unmarried couples.
It is in fact the aspect of realness that makes relationships to last longer.
“Some signs of toxicity in relationships are a sense of decay where one partner sacrifices their individuality, for the good of the whole- they lose the sense of self and almost become a carbon copy of their partner,” said Alfred Muzanda from Mbare.
“That begins to devour any of the good that was present in the pairing to begin with,” he added.
There are always sinister agreements between partners to live according to ones rules. One regulates and dominates the other’s life and doesn’t risk anything.
In return the victim begins to undermine the relationship by becoming passively aggressive- these are such couples we see fighting in streets, in public and those who sit in a restaurant without saying a word.
Love-hate relationships are also characterised by couples where one needs to be rescued all the time and pain is always present. Disturbing to note is the feeling of drama and trauma that will be surrounding both parties’ livelihoods.
Likewise, if a flower is deprived of water it obviously shrivels, this can also be equated with a soul- it also shrivels when exposed to abuse.
“Most abusive relationships turn into master and slave concept, meaning that one party will be crafting certain laws to be followed disregarding the consequences,” fumed Aleck Mabharani from Kuwadzana. “All unions start in love-place, when the needs are not met, one partner starts to nag and the other feels his or her only form of defense is to hit,” cited Mabharani.
The importance of mutual understanding between married parties and the importance of loyalty in marriages is also emphasised in the bible to substantiate the claim, “…a good wife or husband brings many great blessings to the other.”
“When a couple starts to look outside the relationship so as to get one’s needs and feel they are not on the same team anymore, there will be an underlying problem which can shoot out at any given time.
They must note those feelings and take them as a starting point from which to start receiving their union,” said Stewart Nyamuromo a father of two from Chitungwiza.
In this modern life with potential health and criminal consequences, we should bear in mind the importance of love, faith in the marital situations we are in.