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Barbra Muchengeti and Nyadzisai Macheso among other many women out there?
Is it lust or science that causes cheating?
So widespread has become the case of cheating that the media is always awash with stories of couples who cheat on one another.
So embedded in society has become cheating that it has given birth to the “syndrome” of “small houses”.
Many homes have broken down and in some cases lives lost due to cheating.
The case of a man who was caught pants down having sex with a married woman in Glen View 1 that appeared in our sister paper H-Metro recently reveals how things can turn nasty for cheating spouses after she was clobbered by her in-laws.
Cheating is, however, not only limited to one sex as both men and women are prone to it.
The popular joint KwaMereki in Warren Park has made headlines in tabloids for the wrong reasons often regarded as being a haven for many illicit love affairs, where those who cheat on their partners prefer it to be their favourite haunt.
This is what inspired musician, Freddy “Kapfupi” Manjalima’s song “Mai Nga” because cheating has eaten into the moral fabric of society.
If you remember well, the late Marko Sibanda also sang about it in his song “Jambanja Pahotera” but the setting was at a hotel where husband and wife who are cheating one another receive the shock of their lives when they discover each other’s shenanigans.
Researchers (the kartel) say it’s not fair to say that all men cheat, but it is, however, fair to say that men cheat more than women in many relationships.
Despite centuries of dishonour against cheating and varying disciplinary restrictions, there is no culture on the planet in which adultery does not exist.
Cheating refers to the overt or covert of breaking rules to gain advantage in a competitive situation.
The rules infringed may be explicit, or they may be from an unwritten code of conduct based on morality, ethics or custom, making the identification of cheating a subjective process.
With regard to human relationships, couples tend to expect sexual monogamy of each other.
If so, then cheating commonly refers to forms of infidelity, particularly adultery.
According to the cheaters website, there are other divisions of infidelity, which may be emotional.
Cheating by thinking of, touching and talking with someone you are attracted to may be equally damaging to one of the parties.
Emotional cheating may be correlated to that of emotional abuse, which to date is treated seriously in a court of law as physical cheating.
With the expansion of understanding of other cultures, there is a wide spectrum of what cheating means.
When in a committed relationship, the definition of cheating is based on both parties’ opinions, and both parties may redefine their understanding to match the party at an either lower or higher extreme of this definition. Some couples simply believe that cheating constitutes doing anything, whether verbal or physical, that one would not do in front of their significant other.
Such examples would include: expressing attraction to another person, electronic communications,texting, kissing, and sexual relations.
Many people consider cheating to be any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, which may or may not include sexual monogamy.
For example, in some polygamous relationships, the concepts of commitment and fidelity do not necessarily hinge on complete sexual or emotional monogamy. Whether polygamous or monogamous, the boundaries to which people agree vary widely, and sometimes these boundaries evolve within each relationship.
Looking at the effects of cheating, marriages are broken and sometimes death interferes as the one cheated will go to the extreme of taking his or her dear life. A notable example is that of Tongai Moyo’s late wife Barbra Muchengeti, who committed suicide after she discovered that her musician husband was cheating.
With a wife as good looking as Vanessa Bryant it is hard to believe Kobe would go searching elsewhere for fun.
Probably the grossest situation out of the bunch was Jesse James’ recent fling with Mitchelle McGee. However, the situation might be worse when a spouse cheats with a close friend.
Imagine if the country was to adapt or to have a television show on Cheaters just like in the United States – programme – which captures husbands and wives cheating.
Will you be the same if you were caught in action and the media is continuing to carry such stories on cheaters, of which sometimes we tend to know what then happens later after being caught?
Is it nature, nurture or just plain nastiness?
A man from Warren Park who is in his late 30s said that is just the way it is, lack of emotional intimacy and support.
“The main reason why men cheat is because of the feeling of loneliness in their relationships or marriages. The women, men cheat which make them feel valued, secure and appreciated but this does not mean that wives and girlfriends are to blame.
“There are multiple reasons why intimacy falls in relationships,” he said.
He added that sometimes it is about lack of sex in a marriage.
One ex-cheater and now a psychologist in the CBD said some men simply want a different woman for sexual pleasure and intimacy than they do for stability and friendship.
“You can’t always find it both in one person but it is like an addiction comparable to substance abuse,” said the therapist.
Sex addiction has become hotly debated since Tiger Woods underwent rehabilitation for this condition and its existence is not universally accepted by sexologists.
“Sex addiction itself is not a diagnosis it is like a lot of patterned behaviours that could be better described as obsessive,” said Godknows Mukana, a barber in Harare.
Some women also shared their sentiments and many said that the main reason why men, in particular, cheat is because the “macho ego” in them.
“For every married or not so committed man out there who is having an affair he’s not doing it alone. There is another partner involved.
“Added to this is whether the wife or girlfriend is consciously or unconsciously endorsing this behaviour and reinforcing the trend.
“Life is short, so have affairs,” said Martha a 28-year-old woman from Westgate.
Martha also said that it is all about power and control that people want.
However, it is believed that people cheat to avoid any real intimacy or commitment.
“By cheating they distance themselves from their spouses and avoid any strong attachments,” added Martha.
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