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Robert Mukondiwa
REPUTED comedian and rising socialite Skimbo Ziso Regondo (real name Tatenda Albert Matika) may have licked a lot of things in his time which have tickled his palate and left his taste buds yearning for more, yet it ironically is the worst dish that has given him the best results.

Having been abusively forced to lick the murderously un-groomed never-before-been-manicured foot of Zimdancehall artiste Lady Squanda, the only thing the pint-sized Skimbo thought he would contract was tongue warts, fungus and gingivitis.

And yet, what he contracted was, well, a contract that got him far off to England in his maiden trip out of this country and into fame.

After settling back from his fairy tale trip, Skimbo attests to having seen his career soar.

“It was a terrible experience,” says Skimbo of the tongue foot massage.

“But it opened doors for me and taught me that karma favours good people.”

He is right. His foray into England made sure that he rose to be a celebrated person and while his skits and disses may not have been that popular before he was abused, he has become a household name and attracted a respectable following.

Now, his skits go from zero to 1 000 views in the blink of an eye. Everyone wants to know what the talented jester has to say about events of the day or topical issues.

Suddenly he is a star.

“I managed to fly out on my first flight and gave a well-polished debut performance in front of crowds in four major cities in the United Kingdom including London, Luton and Leicester. The experience changed me and made me an even more focused professional.

“I want to build on that.”

After the UK event organisers ditched the abusive Squanda for Skimbo, the pain of the ill-conceived move must hurt Squanda to this day; never mind the painful reality of dwindling personal support, dying approval by promoters and the police still waiting for her to-well-put a foot wrong one last time and arrest her.

And in all this, one little man who rogues thought they had “fixed” is the one that came out big.

“I want people to continue promoting me and put together a serious campaign against abuse as well as a television concept,” says Skimbo.

He is certainly going to get endorsements and from eating dirty feet, he may just one day be eating caviar, sipping champagne and pampering that same tongue with all the best foods, thanks to Lady Squanda’s foot.

Who knows, if she comes back and brandishes it before him, Skimbo may not mind licking it yet again. This time, he may even become the first Zimbabwean to step on the moon!

Perhaps it can be said of the talented Skimbo that like the Chinese adage-cum-cliché, his journey of a thousand miles to the United Kingdom and great fame did indeed start with one step! Or is it more appropriately foot? — @zimrobbie