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Assembling a political entity with rogue elements must not surprise MDC-T leader Morgan Tsvangirai whose party is hogging the limelight with issues relating to the undergarment and the loins.

From nudist ambassador to sexcapade director general and subordinate information officer, to be precise . . . does that not signal the dearth of morality at Harvest House, where there is a bumper harvest of thorns for Tsvangirai?

Hezvoko bwa bwa, one time!

What a national indelicacy!

In my installment last week I talked about Ambassador Jacqueline Zwambila who had done a strip-tease by allegedly stripping to her undergarments in front of male embassy staff yonder in Australia.

If one was shocked by the Australian incident, then the recent one in which director general Toendepi Shonhe, from the same party that gave us Zwambila, bedded somebody’s wife who happens to work for the same party and ended up beating up the poor hubby, should equally be shocking.

And one thing is clear: the MDC-T at least from what we are seeing is a party of ‘SEXexcellence’.

Let us start with Zwambila.

She played the Avenues in a bizarre fit of rage as she confronted embassy staff she accused of leaking a link to a damning website on which she brazenly claimed that sanctions imposed on Zimbabwe by the European Union did not affect the country at all.

My foot! Even a stripper from the Avenues feels the impact of the sanctions but this villager will not be tempted to draw further comparison between the sisters, one in Canberra and several others in the Avenues.

Of course, I am not going to argue the kangaroo point as empirical evidence of just how the sanctions have bastardised and pauperised Zimbabweans has been provided, which I must add was the reason for their imposition in the first place.

Dear gentle reader, without deliberately abusing you, have you heard about the village idiot who fouls the communal well, where everyone drinks, including himself or herself?

My late father, Ephraim Guvamombe, a revered teacher for 41 years, having graduated from Kutama College in 1959, would have put it this way: “Never teach a pig to sing because you annoy the pig and worse still, it has no vocal chords for such lyrics. It will not sing.”

What I would find queer though is the sheer daftness of somebody believing that in this globalised world of communication somebody would be fooled or fool themselves that a website could be visible only to white audiences that sycophantic people like Zwambila target.

Oh, by the way, do I hear somebody mention something about scant education?

The beauty about it though is that the stripping ambassador is back home, never mind what might or might not happen.

All that matters is that Zimbabwe and our veteran leader whom she was supposed to represent, stand rightly to be spared the embarrassment of a kangaroo ambassador.

For Shonhe, the philandering DG, who trudges the length and breath of mother earth on MDC-T errands, it must have come too late for him, ask those in South Africa.

MDC spokesperson Nelson Chamisa was at pains to explain the goings on and looked like someone in the middle of a storm and not too sure, which direction to go.

Split between morality and a political career under threat from immorality itself, Chamisa seemed to just read what he was told by his master to say.

He talked about a “thorough investigation into allegations of misconduct, professional deviance and unacceptable behaviour.”

M16 at Munhumutapa

Heatly, Beatle/Whither the battle of the heart and soul of Zimbabwe!

This rhyme seems apt as elections are due in Zimbabwe pitting on one hand the revolutionary Zanu-PF and the British-founded and funded MDC-T, one formation of which is led by Morgan Tsvangirai.

The latter, as expected, has conscripted the services of one Charles Heatly, variably known as Charles Beatle. I prefer calling him Beetle, because the man is dung beetle, who came to push the fetid ball.

This is from the horse’s mouth of the not-so-cunning, Mark Canning, British Ambassador here.

And this Beatle surely has some dung to push and roll this side!

The man, who is said to be part of the British intelligence establishment, has been tasked to see to it that Tsvangirai wins the forthcoming elections.

He has been working hand in glove with an organisation called Adam Smith International whom we hear have been doing the thinking for MDC-T. So Tsvangirai, Biti, Makone etc have no brain and need this beetle to think for them?

The beetle has been having unfettered access to State documents and matters, and all this under the very noses of the other partners in Government.

The MDC has been selling State secrets?

This is a serious matter: why allow the British into the seat of Government like it is back to Rhodesia?

Why is MDC-T at Munhumutapa when they cannot think for themselves?

Can they be trusted with running this country of our God-given expansive riches?

We hope that people are seeing through this fraud as they get ready for the polls.

They did not wage the liberation struggle — or die as some would put it — so that Tsvangirai can give the country back to our enemies of yesteryear, and today.

We thought grovelling for sanctions from these enemies, along with their kith and kin, was enough curse on Zimbabwe.

Sadly, how mistaken we were!

MDC-T has brought the enemies right to our very threshold.

The British are our eternal enemies and so Tsvangirai is a white man in black skin?

In the Beetle’s case they even went on to be complicit in subverting our laws by allowing the Briton to work without a permit, Saintfiet-like. Where is the rule of law?

We know the camel’s misdeed in that fable and we will not be fooled.

Allowing seemingly innocuous British individuals like Charles Beatle to help with elections, as it were, is going to have ramifications on our hard-won independence from the same British. I thought we had made it clear that Zimbabwe will not be a colony again!

All right-thinking Zimbabweans should be vigilant and unsheathe their swords to drive out the camels.

At the same time those of us harbouring the camels, in their warped benevolence, should probably expect some blows to fall in their way, if they do not get off.

For now, this villager will return to his roots in Guruve for more wisdom.