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oil.
He rubbed the sooty oil over his hands and touched all over his car, spoiling his designer shirt in the process.
Moments later he was on the phone.

Although I could not hear what the person on the other side was saying, I heard him accusing the other part of not being caring enough and switching off their phone when he needed them most.
“Petronella, how could you do that to me? I slept on the road because of you. My car broke down on my way from work last night and since then I have been trying to get hold of you. Please come and rescue me,” he bellowed on the gadget before switching it off.

This is when it dawned on me that the bloke was trying to justify his absence from home the previous night.
He had flown away from the matrimonial nest without a visa and was now trying to smoothen his way back.
It’s hard to walk home after spending the night away and expect not to be asked where you were, with whom and doing what. In some instances the pot handle will land on your forehead unexpectedly. Worse if the wife is VaChihera mwana waMhofu!

Though Jasper’s language sounded authoritative, a point that could not be erased is that he felt compelled to say something to the wife.
All the ladies he got down with on the dance floor and even bought copious amounts of beer would have had the last laugh seeing how he cowered over to his wife.
It is an undeniable truth that lying is sinful, but most men do so to justify their actions.
Whether this is out of fear or love, no one really knows.

Most men live under “petticoat governments” where what the woman of the house says goes.
But they do not admit openly.
Physical appearance and financial circumstances do not matter here. Some guys so wealthy you would think they could call mountains to themselves are not spared.
Even those so masculine that they pull cars with their teeth are in the same boat. Those without cash also find themselves in the same boat. Men just fear their wives period.

Young boys enjoy sitting next to well-heeled men in bars because each time you answer his phone and tell a lie to his wife you are assured of a drink.
“Sorry mum, your husband is in a business meeting and has left his phone on the charger,” you hear hired boys telling the big men’s wives on the phone.
“Please, leave a message. We are in a roadblock queue and he cannot answer the phone,” women are told.

There are scores of brothers who are no longer on talking terms because of women.
“Handitaure nemunhu anotongwa nemukadzi,” you hear people saying about their brothers even though they themselves will be trying to retrieve car keys stashed in the bra of their dear wives.
Men refuse to accept reality, but women rule.
The biblical allegory of the Garden of Eden brings the story of female power to the fore.

Adam had lived in the garden as a bachelor without tasting the forbidden fruit, but things changed when a woman came into the picture.
Women often change decisions made by their husbands even though men of mask this as second thoughts.
“Oh, I have had a change of heart”, “I have thought about it carefully” or “I now view this differently,” guys often say without declaring openly that their wives would have overturned previous decisions.
Even Samson, a legendary fighter who defeated the Philistines, had his fate sealed by a woman.

Only Joseph withstood the advances of Portipha’s wife, but very few men are like him. People simply refuse to admit, but women are so powerful they can change the flow of the river without hassles.
“If you buy a black car, it means you do not love me. Why would you want to continue staying with me when it is so clear that you trust your boys better than me,” women often say whenever they will be influencing their husbands.

Marrying a woman is one thing and staying with her quite another. These members of the fairer sex demand their space. Violence in such matters cannot be ruled out.
Whenever your phone rings, they demand to know why you got the call. If you spend less time it is assumed you are covering up something. It can be real murder if the conversation drags for too long.
“Why is she taking long with you on the phone? Does she know that you have a wife already? Is her husband aware that his wife is busy calling you,” you can be asked a string of questions without being afforded the opportunity to reply.

That is a petticoat government. Kutongwa kuzere!
If you are job-hunting and staying with a married brother you are likely to catch the earliest bus back to the rural areas if you are not in good books with the lady of the house.
“We had planned to visit our grandparents in the rural areas with a married brother last weekend. We were surprised when we went to pick him up to learn that he had had a change of heart and was no longer able

to travel with us in the absence of the wife. That man is surely under a petticoat government,” a drinking mate confided in this writer last weekend.
“These women are very powerful. They steer the ship in the direction, which best suits their interests. Women are the first people to approach if you expect their husband to do something for you. Haisi horror. Zvakatanga naVahosi Eve mai vevanhu,” the bloke said with a chuckle.

If you see a man driving around with the children, it is folly to conclude it’s all out of love.
He could be doing so to get a visa to live the house with children behaving like embedded detectives ready to spill the bins on any freedom outside the law.

Gentle reader, women influence or control their husbands in two ways.
Some do so in private while others control their men right in front of strangers, relatives and friends.
There are some women who order men to go to church even outside their wish, hence the large number of men who seat on the pews every weekend but refuse to be assigned any duties there.

“You must control your man. He must do what you want. I only have one life and to enjoy it, I should be in the company of someone who flows with the current,” I heard female workmates saying while tucking into their lunch this week.

The power of a woman can be felt whenever she visits the husband at the bar. He is quick to leave his seat and attend to her when in fact the mere fact of following a man to the water hole is disrespect of the highest order.

As I commit pen to paper gentle reader, there are countless men who do not even have access to their salaries. The bank card stays with the wife and all he gets is bus fare and lunch money. Kugoverwa sepwere!
Men who are ruled by their wives are mostly seen at funerals. All their decisions are shot down and whenever cash is needed, they rush to seek authority from the wife.

Whether this is being done out of love or fear, yours truly is yet to establish.