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Andile Tshuma

Many people are so busy with day-to-day schedules such that taking time off work to be with their ageing parents is difficult.

Your parents are still alive? If so, you are blessed. If you are now an adult and have at least one surviving parent, it’s a blessing. So many people are orphaned at a very young age, so if your own children have met your parents, you must consider it a blessing.

We are just coming out of the festive season, a period of merry making and never ending family gatherings and reunions. We now call it the home coming.

Most people take time to come home and be with their parents. Many quiet Bulawayo homes come alive. Lonely homes occupied by elderly couples just get abuzz when grown up children move in with their families from all over the globe. It is such one happy period. Some go to the village and I think the holidays are even more fun, as families tend to be even bigger as the extended family is still a very integral part of family.

But pause and think about the days just after January 1. People start packing bags and their ageing parents are probably going to be left alone for another 11 months and two weeks, before the next Christmas holidays. Think about how they get by during that time as they wait for another festive season to see their offspring. What happens in the long fifty weeks or so in-between, while we are so busy at work and not able to check on the mothers and fathers much?

I think you can be productive at work while still giving your ageing parents the care and attention you would love to give them. How about taking them along with you for a week or two after one Christmas holiday. This may need planning, getting travel documents or making your place comfortable for older persons, but I think it will be worth it.

Isolation, loneliness, and boredom are the most common issues among elderly people. The inability to be as productive as much as they used to could compound the loneliness they feel on a daily basis. Worse still, they see their friends passing away. There are fewer opportunities to make friends and get involved in social engagements, adding to the reason why many older parents tend to stay at home.

There is probably no more difficult realm to sort out when caring for an ageing parent than healthcare. Seventy-nine percent of those over age 70 have at least one chronic condition, while one-third have three or more chronic diseases. On average, these elderly adults go to the doctor about 10 times a year and most take multiple prescription medications for these conditions.

Taking care of ageing family members is becoming more of a challenge nowadays as the concept of the extended family is getting eroded in Zimbabwe.

Our parents lived most of their productive lives taking care of us, putting us through school. For some we all stayed in the same house yearlong, while in some families fathers worked in town as mothers and children stayed in the family village. For some, parents were in the diaspora but families always met during the holidays. Whatever the family set up, it was always good moments when families gathered during the holidays.

Due to rural-urban migration, many families have separated and a significant number of Zimbabweans have left their villages of origin and settled in other parts if the country or have gone outside the country for greener pastures.

Most of the people that no longer stay with their parents still take care of the parents financially and with occasional visits.

While we may be scattered around the world in search of greener pastures, no amount of money that we send back home can replace our presence.

Our ageing parents need us sometimes way more than they may need any sort of money or material thing that can be provided.

As people age, their health may often deteriorate and sometimes after retirement from work, pensioners may have a sense of loneliness and may feel as though their presence is getting irrelevant. They need love and assurance from their offspring that they are still loved and they still matter.

Most adults over the age of 60 may be suffering from various non-communicable diseases such as high blood pressure, diabetes, arthritis, asthma, memory loss and many more. They most probably will be on life medication and a lifetime of prescriptions may be draining.

Much more than paying medical bills, our mothers and fathers will appreciate it if we take time off busy schedules to visit them. How about a surprise trip to your home village one weekend, or to your parent’s home, whether you stay in the same city or not.

Some children may spend months on end without visiting parents yet they stay in the same town. Perhaps one feels that if they have put their mum and dad on medical aid and they send them some money on a monthly basis it’s enough, but when did you last actually see them and have a meaningful conversation with them. While parents get out of touch with some things in our lives as they get old, it is important that we involve them and seek their opinions on some of our plans, to show them that they still matter to us.

Caring for ageing parents may be a top priority for their children. Even when you employ the services of a caregiver to take care of your ageing parent, there is still the possibility of lack of satisfaction, excitement, or fun. Your parents might not have any social connections with the caregiver other than cleanliness in the house.

Elderly parents are often left in a vulnerable position and their adult children need to take actions to correct this.

There is nothing holding you back from reaching out to your parents on a regular basis. Technology has even made it possible for you to see their faces even when you are not right there with them.

You might be used to calling mom or dad once a week or twice a month. Create the time if you have a busy schedule.

You can call your parents in the morning when going to work. You might even decide to call them after work hours. You should even do more if any of them has lost a significant other. Losing a significant other means there is a greater risk of depression. Your everyday call will help suppress any form of boredom. While it may be insignificant to you, it may be a great therapy to a parent suffering from depression and loneliness. Even if you are far way, a phone call may bring you right to your mother’s living room in Bulawayo.

Everyone gets busy at some point. It is left to individuals to choose how much time they are ready to sacrifice for their ageing parents. Ageing parents need the attention of their adult children, it is somehow as if roles change as we grow older. If your parents loved taking you to Centenary Park if you lived in Bulawayo for instance, it is now your turn to take them to the park, take a walk to those ducks behind the Amphitheatre, or just find a bench and chill.

You can just let them be, bring newspapers from your dad, good book for your mum and be armed with your smartphone. You do not have to make it boring, let them do what makes them happiest, but just hang around, you can bring a friend too. You can go to your rural home, go the pens and slaughter a goat or cow with your father that is quite some good time spent together.

They will be happier, safer, and get all the health care they need if you take the time out of your tight work schedule to be with them. As you can see, there are many simple things you could do to create more time for your ageing parents. You might not be able to become a full-time caregiving—but just do something. Remember, we will all grow old some day. — @andile_tshuma