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Thandeka Moyo-Ndlovu, [email protected]

GENDER roles and expectations have changed throughout history, and it is important to recognise that what worked in the past may not work for everyone today.

Women are not a monolithic group, and it is wrong to assume that all women want the same things. However, the one common desire among women is to be loved deeply and respected as individuals.

In the end, it is not that women are complicated or impossible to please — it is that they are human beings with their unique desires and needs, just like men.

Some see women as complex beings with ever-changing desires, while others believe they are impossible to please. However, I propose a different perspective: women are straightforward when it comes to their needs, especially for those who actively listen.

Let’s move beyond stereotypes. It’s time to acknowledge that women can be vocal about their desires. They deserve to be heard and understood.

Recently, I heard some arguing that the unhappiness of modern women stems from their departure from traditional roles of “submission.” But is submission truly an expression of love and fulfilment?

I believe women, historically and now, have known what they want. The key lies in creating an environment where they feel comfortable expressing their needs, aspirations and desires.

At the heart of it all, a woman wants to be loved deeply. This includes appreciating the small gestures that hold immense meaning for her. It’s about understanding her unique “love language” and expressing your affection in a way that resonates with her. This isn’t complicated; it’s about attentive care.

So I asked two of my sisters to share their views as well and one said:

“I want a companion, a friend, whose provision goes beyond material needs, but is cognisant of my emotional needs also. I want loyalty and expect to be pampered and spoiled here and there, and to be protected from the mean world of ‘unfair must’”. I want someone who can happily change a diaper if he has to and help with chores without feeling he’s doing it for me. Someone who can love openly and not feel he’s being emasculated,” she says.

The other one said all she ever wanted was love, affection and genuine companionship.

“I want to be heard, considered and appreciated, and not to be taken for granted because it is easy for men to assume that women should always do this and they are fine with that. We are loving and understanding, but sometimes I feel men should put aside their pride and accept that being a man doesn’t mean you should just provide only because we do a million things while all they do is claim to be providers,” she said.

“They have a million things to unlearn. Giving me money is not enough because sometimes love to me may be helping me cook a meal after a long day or taking a walk with the kids so that I catch up on my sleep. The challenge is men want to love us with a one-size-fits-all formula. They think money saves it all, but unfortunately, it doesn’t.

“Cooking, changing diapers (of his flesh and blood) or helping in any household chore does not and will never make him less of a man and he can’t say he loves me when all he does is sit and fold his hands when I languish with chores simply because I am a submissive woman. Sometimes men fail us emotionally, he will be so distant emotionally to the extent that you feel unloved when he is right there claiming you are the love of his life. We need men to unlearn what they have been taught as love.”

As we continue raising these concerns all we continuously hear from our male counterparts is:

“Women are no longer respectful, that is why we have many broken families, in fact we know that a majority of divorces are initiated by women. This empowerment has also complicated them more, they now want to be men and are no longer humble like our mothers who would stay more than 60 years in one marriage without even thinking of divorce,” they claim.

Every woman is unique and understanding her desires takes effort and genuine listening. Forget the stereotypes and toxic advice online — the key to truly connecting with your partner lies in open communication and learning her “love language”.

Men often complain that women are complicated, but a lack of communication fuels this perception. Invest time in listening actively to your partner, understanding her needs and expressing your love in a way that resonates with her.

What women truly want is a partner who makes an effort to understand them as individuals, not through the lens of societal expectations or outdated advice. When you truly connect with your partner’s needs and love language, the rewards are immense.