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Lenox Lizwi Mhlanga
Some years ago, I made the conscious decision to stop drinking alcohol. Several people fell off their chairs on hearing this. There are many who can’t imagine me teetotal. My history on the bottle is a colourful, yet disastrous one that would require more space than this column can offer.

Let me begin by saying that I was never an alcoholic. Otherwise I would have suffered from horrible withdrawal symptoms. I have always called myself a social drinker and never felt desperate to drink.

This seemed to be the case when I was at the University of Zimbabwe where beer kept students sane. We swore by the motto; ‘We drink daily, and pass annually.’ Justifying how we could down several crates mid-week. Unlike a great many of the UZ Alumni who got their first taste of i-gasi at the Students Union, some of us were already veterans.

I am glad that my roommate at the New Complex Phase One, former Finance Minister Tendai Laxton Biti was not among us sinners. Such people had an important role to play. Like the time when I had one too many, celebrating my passing second year at a seedy nightspot in downtown Harare.

A concerned Biti came to my rescue as I lay immobilised by the mother of all hangovers. He thought I was dead. On recovering from the shock, he dutifully brought me food and water. Which I failed to eat.

I was moved by his concern for someone whose agony was self-inflicted. I promised him that I would stop drinking forthwith. Sad to say I was back at the Union, with the likes of Mdara John serving up a storm the very next day. Famous last words.

Arthur Mutambara was another sober individual who I remember for his driving ambition to lead something, anything. He even gunned for the chairmanship of the Ballroom Dancing club on campus. Look at where such driving ambition took him!

Passing through the presidency of the Students Representative Council, he eventually became Deputy Prime Minister in the Government of National Unity.

I clearly remember Mutambara’s infamous brush with the CIO that saw him tumbling out of the Phase Two residence window. President Mugabe later was to cynically remark, ‘These students boast of being tigers, yet when the heat is turned on they jump out through windows like kittens.’

Anyway, that is beside the point. I must admit that I come from a long line of imbibers. Being of royal blood, kings were known for their liking for the frothy brew. Notable among them ULobengula Khumalo who suffered excruciatingly painful gout.

I am a descendent of Soshangane kaZikode, born Nxumalo, founder of the Gasa Kingdom. If I had a good excuse for drinking this would certainly be it.
Yet there are many negatives that come with the practice of imbibing. I lost a great deal of very close relatives, notably uncles, to the bottle. If there is one organ that we would wish we never had, it is the liver. My maternal grandfather’s young brother so idolised beer that he composed a song to entice me at age 10. I used to accompany Khulu uMjubheki and my late father on their numerous fishing trips.

Now I know the trips were an excuse for them to drown themselves. In booze, that is. After taking ‘several too many’ he would burst into the rendition, “Amahewu, am’nandi, amahewu, amnandi sibili!”

The question that lingers in one’s mind when deciding to stop the bottle is, now what? I believe we all have quotas and I believed I had exhausted mine. As sad to the brewers as it may have sounded, my contribution to the industry had come to a sad end.

There is this theory that people who don’t drink free up more time to indulge in extra-mural activities such as chasing women. There might be a grain of truth in that. But one does not relish being ‘planted’ in the ground like a seed. There are a lot of nasty diseases out there.

My fellow drinkers were appalled I had stopped. I had become a bad example. How could I publicly renounce drinking in a national paper? Others set their clocks and started counting the hours before I would be back in the fold.

Shockingly for them, I completed four straight sober years. Was there anything wrong with making an about-turn in one’s life, enjoying life without one’s mind being clogged with alcohol? Are my friends still counting the years? I will leave that to your imagination.