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Peter Matikapeter, [email protected]

“IT was all dark and murky. I was lost in a very shadowy place in my mind. Nothing made sense to me, I could not grasp or understand myself. I didn’t know what was happening to me. My emotions were all over the place, at one time I would be excited and exploding with happiness and then the next I would be so sad, angry. People, my family and friends failed to understand me. The world literally didn’t make sense to me and the only idea that seemed logical to me was to take my own life.”

These are the words of Sipho “NaZoe” Mazibuko, a mental health activist and patient who has boldly embraced depression and bipolar disorder as part of her life and seeks to raise awareness on mental health matters.

Better known for her role in the glitz and glamour industry in uplifting the girl child through her Strides Modelling Agency, NaZoe was some years ago diagnosed with chronic depression and bipolar. Chronic depression is a condition that causes sadness or depressed mood most of the day or almost every day. 

It causes loss of enjoyment in things that were once pleasurable. It also causes major change in weight or appetite while also triggering insomnia or excessive sleep almost every day. Bipolar is a mental illness that causes unusual shifts in a person’s mood, energy, activity levels and concentration. These shifts can make it difficult to carry out day-to-day tasks.

While trying to understand the “darkness” that had engulfed her life, NaZoe says her family took her to numerous traditional healers while the so called prophets were so daring to try and perform exorcisms claiming that she was possessed.

“These were the events and periods that led me to shy away from the media and public eye. It was only after a relative advised me to be taken to a mental health specialist who then diagnosed me. I was then admitted to Ingutsheni Hospital. There my condition was monitored and I was given medicine, which stabilised me. 

And here I am today,” said NaZoe.

However, because she had not accepted her condition, she quickly relapsed when she stopped taking her medication.

“This is a lifetime condition. I relapsed because back then I didn’t want to accept my condition because of the stigma associated with it. People don’t understand what these conditions entail and how much damage they can do to one’s well-being. Some people tend to label those suffering from depression and other mental health problems as crazy people,” said NaZoe.

She said some members of society picture people with mental health conditions as “screwballs” that walk around the city carrying hordes of plastic bags filled with rubbish and rummaging for food in dustbins. NaZoe said with depression she was always at odds with her mind, adding that she felt like she was haunting herself.

“I had very disturbing episodes which affected my life. I was unstable because I had relapsed again and had not taken my medication. Like I said this is a condition that needs constant attention and monitoring from family. The medication has to become a daily and lifetime routine. It controls your neurotic tendencies and levels,” NaZoe said.

Mazibuko said she was grateful that she failed to take her own life saying that would have haunted her family.

“I have tried to commit suicide three times in my battle with depression and bipolar disorder. I am living with the condition till the time of my death as I go along my mental health journey.  I have learnt to accept my condition and adhere to my medication regime. 

My family is very supportive and I appreciate them for the love, care and patience. I can never do this alone and no one should ever have to endure this alone,” she said.

NaZoe revealed that whenever she feels an episode coming she visits a psychiatrist who then advises her on what to do.

“My family ensures that I am safe and I have a special room, my bedroom in which they make sure I do not leave until the time I feel better. There are no harmful objects in it. All doors leading outside are secured and locked. 

“As you can see there is a swimming pool here, once I am in that state I may decide to jump in despite me knowing how to swim. I have pet dogs that also provide me emotional support. All you need to do is accept, stick to your medical regime and put in place measures that will keep you happy,” NaZoe said.

She said she experienced an epiphany that led her to want to delve further into mental health issues while also assisting those in need.

NaZoe said she decided to establish a trust while also working on constructing a haven for people with mental health disorders, which she said are mainly caused by depression.

Through her epiphany, NaZoe has managed to acquire a piece of land in Umguza district, Matabeleland North province, which she says through forging partnerships with donors and other stakeholders she is set to construct the facility.

“I launched an organisation called Mental Voices Trust last year. Recently Umguza allocated me land, where with the assistance of donors, I will establish a state-of-the-art institution that will cater for 100 inmates. It will be more of a safe house that will be overseen by professional staff,” said NaZoe. She said most people with mental health problems are dumped at institutions and left with no family.

“Some patients are dumped at mental institutions and after they are discharged they have nowhere to go. 

Some family members  give false contact details upon their admission which leaves them stuck at these institutions for life and are subject to living a life of agony,” said NaZoe.

She said having been admitted to the facility before, she wants to give a final home to these patients while at the same time, rehabilitating them with life skills like carpentry, hairdressing, gardening and poultry among other projects.

NaZoe said most suicide cases were caused by depression.

Referencing to the case of a local artist and media personality, the late Trust Fidelis Mdluli Nyathi, who reportedly committed suicide over undisclosed issue, NaZoe said usually people who tend to smile a lot are the hardest hit by depression.

“I have heard of the suicide of the young guy who hanged himself because he had depression. I gather from his friends that he was so jovial right up to the day he committed suicide. This is called smiling depression, when someone pretends all is ok yet deep inside they are hurting and depressed,” said NaZoe.

She said through her trust she seeks to highlight the types of depression and open doors especially to men.

“Men are always trying to be macho but they are the weakest. This is why you find most suicides are committed by men. Some of my trustees are psychologists and psychiatrists. This is a chance to talk about suicidal ideation and its symptoms. Let’s fight depression and save our people,” she said.

NaZoe said the only way to beat depression was to speak out and create awareness about it.